How We Pay

Chapter Four

Kate and I went to work the next night and went through the motions for the first few hours. We joked around and she tried to ask the same questions as she had on the drive home last night, but I dodged and weaved all of them.

"Fine, fine. I'll drop it." She put her hands up in defeat.

"Thank you." I said.

After I came back from my break I halted when I saw Matt and Zack sitting at the end of the bar talking to Kate. I went to go back outside but Zack saw me and waved. I gave him a small wave back and went to one of the regulars sitting closest to me, trying to strike up a conversation to keep me occupied.

Of course, the one night I actually wanted to hear Bud ramble on about his old war stories, he turns into a mute. Kate came over and pulled me down to stand in front of the guys. I tried to look everywhere except at Zack.

"The guys were just asking if we wanted to hang out after work." Kate nudged me. I looked at her and shook my head. Before I could say no she chirped, "Great! We'll meet you guys back at the apartment!" I stared at her, trying to kill her with my eyes.

"Cool." Matt got up and Zack followed. Matt reached over and kissed Kate and I just watched them like a creeper since I didn't want to look at Zack. The boys left and Kate started clearing off their glasses. I grabbed her arm tightly and she winced.

"Ow!" She yanked it away.

"Kate, no." I gave her a disapproving look. "I don't want to hang out with them after work." She rubbed her arm where I had just grabbed it.

"Okay, first off, you're really strong," She waved her arm in front of me, "And second off, Zack said he didn't like you like that. He just thought you were cool. So chill." She turned back and started washing their glasses in the lowered sink. At her words, I felt sheepish and... insecure? It's not like I wanted him to like me, but still, did he just say he wasn't into me like that? Or had they asked? It still felt like a rejection, one that I hated myself for caring about. 

"Oh, okay." I said, turning to print out a receipt for the traitor Bud. I set it in front of him and kept myself busy for the rest of our shift. I cleaned things twice or three times and helped Kate lock up at closing. We rode back to the apartment and I looked out the window the whole time. 

I'm unavailable anyways. Off Limits. It doesn't matter. You don't want him to like you. 

We walked in and the guys were sitting on the couch. I excused myself after Kate sunk down onto Matt's lap. I closed the bathroom door and looked at myself in the mirror. I ran my fingers through my hair and tried to see myself through the eyes of a guy for a minute. I was pretty, smart, funny... What the fuck wasn't there to like?

"You don't care. You're unavailable. Off Limits. You're married for God's sakes." I slapped my cheek and shook my head. I needed to get myself together. I didn't like Zack like that either, so what did it matter?

I went back out and sat on the far end of the couch, pressing myself into the corner cushion to put as much space between Zack and I as possible. I could feel him looking at me but I just stared at the TV.

"Babe, can I show you that outfit I just bought?" I heard Kate ask Matt. He did't answer but I assumed he agreed because he followed her up and back to her room. Traitors. I stared at the TV hating the awkward silence they left behind.

"Heidi?" I heard Zack ask.

"Hmm?" I murmured, without looking over to him. He waved his hand in front of my view of the TV and I looked over at him.

"You okay?" He asked, worried smile playing on his lips.

"Fine." I said, looking back to the screen. 

"Emotionally unavailable is my thing, remember?" He ended the question with a weak laugh. I looked at him and raised my brows.

"Yes but, antisocial, remember?" I waved a hand over my figure. He let out a pent up breath and scooted over towards me.

"I'm happy I get to see you again." I looked dawn at the space he just closed between us.

"Why?" I hated my self for the way I asked. I sounded like I was fishing and insecure. Maybe I was. I honestly didn't even mean to say it. He looked at me like I had grown a third eyeball.

"Why? Because I had fun with you last night." I looked at him and bit my bottom lip, trying to keep myself from saying anything else. 

He had fun. So did I. Cool. Great. Fine.

"Did you not?" He pressed.

"Yeah, I did too, buddy." I hit his arm with a closed fist and actually wanted to kill myself after. What the hell was wrong with me?

"Buddy?" He put his hand on my knee and I stared at it. "What's going on, Heidi?"

"Nothing, I told you, I'm fine. I'm good." I tensed my muscles, trying not to fidget under his touch. There weren't tattoos littering his fingers or a lion on the back of his hand. He wasn't for me. I, unfortunately, legally belonged to someone else. Someone I was running from.

The thought pushed me out of whatever fog I had been under and I sighed. 

Earth to Claire, this is actually fine. This is what normal people do. They make friends.

"Sorry, It's just been a weird day." I gave him a small smile and his shoulders relaxed.

"Whew, thought I'd lost you there." He laughed and eased back into the cushion. He put his arm on the cushion behind me. "Movie?" He asked.

"Sure." I said, relaxing back too.

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I wasn't sure when I fell asleep, but I did. I woke up in the living room to the low volume of the TV. I was still on the couch. I remember Matt and Kate had come back to watch the movie with us but their side of the couch was now empty. I stretched, my body tight from the hard and lumpy couch. I went to push myself up and my hand landed on a chest, and not a cushion. I looked up and saw Zack, arm thrown behind his head, leaning back on a pillow and watching TV.

I sat up, pushing away from him.

"Oh my God, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep." I went to stand but he grabbed my arm.

"You're fine. The movie sucked. You were sleeping so soundly I didn't want to wake you up. Relax." I sat back down and looked over at the other end of the couch.

"Where are Kate and Matt?" He looked over to their side and looked back at the TV, arm back behind his head.

"They went to bed an hour ago."

"An hour ago? What time is it?" I looked at the cable box and saw it was two AM.

"Shit, I held you hostage. My bad." He shrugged and flipped to another channel.

"You're good, I told you, don't worry about it." I looked around, pursing my lips.

"Well, I guess I'm gonna go to bed." I stood this time and he let me.

"Night." He said.

"You're staying?" 

He looked at the clock and back to me. He chuckled. "Yeah, it's too late to go home. I'm just gonna crash on the couch." I looked around, not knowing what to do.

"Oh, okay, night." I stood and walked to my room. He continued to watch the TV and I went to so I closed my door and climbed into bed. I stared at the ceiling wondering why I was so on edge. He literally was just being nice to me. I needed to chill. I would be here for a few more days and then on to the next place.