infatuated

chapter 4:

(bucky pov)

god she's beautiful....
no i can't, i can't hurt her again.
"hey man" i turn around and see steve learning in my doorway
"what's up old man" i grin
"bri just asked me to find you and tell you she is looking for you, she's in the kitchen" and with that he walks out
"damn it" i mumble and walk to the kitchen. as i lay eyes on her my heart beat speeds up, her green eyes shoot up and meet me.
"steve said you were looking for me" i cross my arms.
"yeah... um would you go with me to get a tattoo. i want to um cover something." she places her hand on her hip. they branded her in her hip? mine was on my arm.
"yeah sure."
the whole car ride is silent and it takes everything in me to not hold her hand while i drive. my hand misses hers. she made me feel comfortable, almost at peace. as we arrive i finally get the courage to ask a question.
"why do you forgive me?" i search her eyes for an answer.
"i knew you were gonna ask that" she trails off. "i forgive you because i've forgiven myself, for the people i hurt in training, for the possibility of my danger. i've forgiven myself, i'll never forgive hydra but i can forgive anyone they've tried to destroy. plus i see the good in you. i hear it too." she smiles at me and touches my arm.
"i'm not there yet but i hope that one day i will be because...." i can't admit my fear.
"you know i can read minds right. you don't have to be scared of the future," she says and squeezes my hand, "no please can we go inside?" she pleads. i shake my head and we head inside.

a few hours later

she's gotten a whole hip piece, she never grimaced once during the tattoo. she's a badass. suddenly i hear giggling. i look up from the couch and there she is.
"are you laughing at me?"
"i'm a badass huh?"
"oh shut up"
she gets close and i tense up. she sits next to me and grabs my hands, running her thumbs over the metal one. i look up at her and she smiles.
"you can trust yourself. i'm stronger than i look." she's trying to reassure me.
i turn to face her, taking in all her features. her green eyes, her black hair, her freckles. she's truly beautiful.
"wow buck...." she called me buck, only steve and natasha call me that.
"i- i'm sorry you heard that." i reposition, sitting forward now.
"i'm not, i appreciate the compliment." she sighs.
i messed up, i'm gonna hurt her. i'd never forgive myself.
"bri, i-" i look and realize she's left the room. i place my head in my hands, mad at myself. i've been here for 3 months and can't seem to fix anything. is 3 months long enough to grow a wanting for someone, someone you can't have?

authors note: finally we get an insight to bucky's thoughts. if only they knew what the other thought. or maybe bri already knows.
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