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Chapter 11: Troye

Tuesday.

I feel asleep that night with thoughts of Connor. I woke up this morning with thoughts of Connor.

To say I felt awful would be understatement of the era. I felt sick to the stomach as I begin to stand up. I wordlessly switch of my alarm and chose an outfit. I don't style my hair and leave it flat and curly across my four-head. My guilt seems to consume my every move.

The weekend I had with Connor was... magical. I would go so far as to say I was almost in love with him. He reminded me through out the weekend that he was in no way ready to come out yet. I told him it was okay. I promised him.

I don't know why I said what I did in class. I guess I was just so angry at Connor for being so weak and letting JC say the things he did. I know the reason Connor came out was because he thought I was going to out him. Did he even think it through before he said what he did? I need to do something, I fucked up for nothing.

I grabbed my phone from where it sat on the table near my bed. 2%. I forgot to charge it last night. Now that is say something. I never forget to charge my phone. I stare at the red 2% in the corner of the phone. A single tear runs down my cheek and splatters on the screen. I wasn't crying because I had only 2 percent. I really fucked up.

I ran into the bathroom and splashed myself with cold water. I looked up and stared at my face in the mirror. Water droplets covered my sleep deprived eyes. I let out a loud groan. "You okay?" A voice calls out . Tydes voice. I walking calmly out of my bathroom, out of my room and after breakfast out of my house. The cold fresh air hits me with a blast of ice as I walk down to the road to school. It is refreshing and I can feel my terrible mood being lifted. Slightly. 

I walk into the metallic gates of school. Then I see them. Connors group. Connor isn't there. They are talking near someones locker. I see Phil Lester, a boy who I knew through Tyler near them. I walked up to him and taped on his shoulder and spoke to him in hushed words. "Oh, Hi Tro-" I quickly interrupted him. "Phil this may seem like a really weird question but can you pretend to talk to me while I acutely listen into the people behind me conversation." I whisper. Phil's eyes widen and he checks his phone. "I have to be somewhere soon, but yeah sure." He says. I mouth the word thank you. Phil then launches into mindless talk while I focus on the the boys behind me.

"Do you think Connors coming today?" I heard either Trevor or Sam say. "I don't know, I know I wouldn't if I was in the same place." "Rude." "He can't sit with us anymore you know." "He'll think where rude though." "Yeah so what." "We need to at least talk to him." "What if he's not really gay, he just said that to get out of it." "Nah, you should have seen his face." "I bet you he's dating Tyler."  

I had heard quite enough. I focused my attention back on Phil. "-and then it just flew at me, I swear I attract crazy people or-" I smile at him to know he doesn't have to talk anymore. Phil smiles and waves goodbye then walks of. I turn around to walk of to when I feel a hand touch my shoulder, I spin around to find all 5 boys staring at me. Ricky, with his hand on my shoulder. I shudder as a memory of Ricky kicking me enters my head. I flinch away from him only to bump into Trevor. "Sorry." I say quickly.

"Did you know anything about this Troye-boy?" Trevor says. I open and close my mouth. "Please just say the truth. We deserve to know, we where his best friends after all." Kian says. "I- uh maybe I just." I quickly walked of.

The rest of the day went by easy. Except for the fact I kept 'magically' bumping into JC and Sam. Or the fact that almost anyone I talking wanted to gossip about Connor's coming out. Or that Con still hadn't replied to any of mine or Tylers texts and wasn't at school today.

I walked home and sat on the bed in my room. I feel this emptiness in my chest. The whole school knows about Connor. Some may say its a good thing, that its all out there and Connor doesn't have the weight of a secret on his shoulders anymore. But its not. He wasn't ready. He needed time to fix himself. 

I sent one last text to Connor that night before drifting of into a dreamless sleep.

To: Connie Frannie

From: Me

I've done you wrong, I regret it.  

! A/N !

Refrence game strong. Sorry if this was bad af.