To The Moon and Back | Remus Lupin's Daughter

33. Outburst - Astra

C/W: discussion and depiction of child abuse towards the end of the chapter, read discretion is advised. 

30th November 1993

Being ten is weird. Like really weird. I feel like everything and nothing has changed at the same time. i still felt like me... only older and taller.  Daddy and Papa, even harry looked at me with sad eyes for most of the month. I hate it. the looks, the pity in their eyes it made me feel like all weird. 

We spent papa's birthday in the hospital with him rushing back and forth between me and artemis. who Professor Mcgongall and the overgrown bat man had managed to turn back human, living the dark curse that was on her. It was nice, having an other girl around. Having only Daddy, papa and Harry to talk to most of the time is great, i love them but they're boys and they always try too hard to make sure i get to do 'girly' things that i have no interest in. Molly and Elladora's nagging on that matter didn't really help, they didn't think i knew about the conversations they had with Daddy and Papa about me needing to be around a 'feminine touch' from time to time. It all just felt forced and not me whenever they did. I was more than happy to have library time with Hermione, or learning quidditch harry and Ginny but apparently they were girly activities. Since our realise from the hospital a few weeks ago, i spent my free time out of classes with artemis for 'girly time' under the watchful eyes of Anne Bonny and sometimes Hagrid. what they didn't know is anne helped us put up some disillusion charms to make it look like we were having outdoor picnic and tea parties when we were really learning how to sword fights with anne's help of course. 

It was a lupine tradition from Anne's celtics packs for the women to be fierce warrirors. Artemis said her mother was of the same belief and used to teach her how to weild a sword during the full moons when they got to walk as humans. The secret of our training was trilling. Learning the skill from Anne was so exciting. she was an amazing fighter. quick on her feet and deadly with her weapon, it was beautiful to watch. Artemis was well on her way to being just as skilled with the old muggle weapon. me. well i'm a bit of a clumsy. I've been getting better over the month but i still manage to fall over my own feet.  I need to learn this skill though, something deep in my heart says i'm going to need it some day and i don't really understand why.  it's just a feeling that isn't going away, I told anne about it and she didn't have any sort of answer for me, she just said she'd try get some guidance from the rest of the council and some of her pack elders. 

The council... well since i was kidnapped they've been monitoring me like a hawk, outside of my classes and scheduled free time. there isn't a second where one or more members is hot on my trail. Pettigrew is still out there and they're all on edge.

then there's dumbledore. He just had this look about him like he knew things none of us are aware off and he had no plan of telling us about them. At least not yet. when he looked at me during meals or call it felt like he was smug about what happened to me.  like it was all inline with some plan he had and he didn't care about who got hurt. It was making my magic go all funny when he was near. the glasses and plates at the staff table during meal times would shake non stop even break the minute he tried to touch them. I took to sitting with harry to try avoid the older wizard as much as i could not that harry minded. It was nice having him near and talking with his friends. 

that's were i was now. Sitting in the great hall edged between Hermione and Neville with Harry, Ron and Artemis across from me. 

"A-Astra?" a nervous voice came from beside me, i looked over my shoulder where neville sat nervously playing with his sleeves. "how are you feeling?"

"oh, umm I'm good, a little tired but good" i smiled back, i felt my cheeks grow hot but i couldn't pin point the cause. it wasn't warm in the room so why did i suddenly feel a little flustered and too warm?