I hate everyone except you

12. Daggers in the ceiling (TW: self harm)

For a man who hadn't slept in two days, he napped quickly. He was asleep for a little over an hour. Once he woke up he looked like none of this had happened.

Venus had picked out a book to read. She didn't get very far in it though. Loki's head lifted to see her reading across the room. He smiled, brightly, but didn't let her see. She stayed, he thought, she had stayed.

He sat up and Venus looked up from her book. "Better?" She asked.

He nodded. "Do you have to go now? I mean, does Frigga have anything planned for you?" He sat against the headboard.

"Not that I know of. Thor's had me on this training plan. Team training." She fake puked, getting a laugh from Loki. "I can stay." A small smile was give by the both of them. Venus set the book on his desk and moved to the bed. Not too close, she sat near the end. Near his legs. Her eyes looked at his legs and made their way up to his face, hesitantly.

They sat in silence for a couple moments. Peaceful silence.

"Can I see you again?" The words made Venus shift a bit. What exactly did he mean? "Like we did the other night." In their natural Jotunheim form.

She smiled and agreed. This time her hands had been splayed out first. Then his hands on top. The same moment that had happened nights before, slowly reoccurred. Their hands started as blue and then it reached the rest of them. Venus had shifted forward so they could easily reach. They were both normal again. The smile on Loki's face made her blush slightly.

She pulled her hands away and sat back. He went to reach out for her again. The blue in her skin had started to fade.

"We have to touch." Loki didn't like the way he said that but it was already out.

"What?" Venus now realized she wasn't completely a frost giant anymore. She reached out to him again.

"I think it's the spell they put on you." Their hands connected again. "I don't know what it is exactly but you can't keep your form with out the contact of another frost giant. Or breaking the spell." Loki explained sincerely.

"Oh, okay." Their hands stayed on top of each other. Loki had wanted to see her, so she let him keep her like that as long as he wanted. His eyes stayed on her. She thought it was sweet.

The way she was sitting wasn't comfortable. She dropped his hand for a moment and turned herself so she was sitting against the head board with him, picking his hand back up once she was right next to him. Venus could feel his smile. Which made her smile.

His head tilted back. He was looking at the ceiling, the same way he had the night in her room. His eyes changed. When she looked up at where his own eyes led, she saw what he'd done. Her eyes shot down. Loki had noticed she looked. She'd seen what he did. As much as he wanted to justify, his excuse wouldn't help. "I... I made a promise to Frigga." Loki hadn't realized how hard it would be to talk about it. "She saw... scars... one day. When I was younger," His words were breaking her heart. "and, uh, she said she'd help me." Loki hadn't looked to Venus' face. He couldn't bring himself to. "She'd help me get better." Venus could tell this wasn't easy so she didn't push or interrupt. She wanted him to get it out. "And she did. For a while." His hand was still wrapped around hers, keeping them in the same form. "She made me promise, to stop. So I put the blade to the ceiling..." Now his eyes dropped as well. "... instead of my skin." Loki was saddened over this, he did feel shame though. Shame that he wasn't as strong as he wanted to be.

"You know," she shifted herself so she was sitting on her legs and so she could fully face Loki. "it's not your fault." His hand had started to shake under hers as he had spoken about what he'd done. She tightened her hands to let him know she was really there. "It's not your fault for feeling like this. Or for doing this." She motioned to the daggers in the ceiling and the scars he put on the palace. "It's not easy battling your own mind. And it's okay to try to take some control back." Loki had kept his gaze on her hands. If he looked at her, he might break. She took a deep breath. "Look at me, please." He did, slowly. "You're not weak." Damn. He had almost made it through.

Venus pulled his head forward and wrapped her arms around him. She had sat up on her knees to hold him better; letting her hand rest on his exposed neck so they were still touching. She rubbed circles on the back of his skin. Loki's arms wrapped around her body. His head was in between her shoulder and neck. Her chest rose and fell against him.

Venus held him as long as he wanted. When he pulled back, she could feel the tears that had been against her skin. And she could see them in his eyes. "It's okay, Loki." Her hands found his cheeks again and cupped them. "You're not weak." She spoke firmly and moved to sit back on the headboard. Her head fell to his shoulder and he let her stay there. It had been a long day, for the both of them.

"Brother!" Thor banged the doors frame. "Where is Venus?" He was angry, or at least getting angry.

"Go to the washroom." Loki whispered to Venus as they stopped touching. They returned to their Asgardian form. She listened and quietly moved. Once he was sure Thor wouldn't see her, he opened the door.

"Why would I know, Thor?" Loki's words came out smooth. His tone had changed from how he had just been speaking to Venus.

"Don't lie. She asked me this morning where your room was. Did she come?" Thor had walked into the room to look for Venus.

"Yes Thor, you can come in. Thank you for asking." Loki stood back from the trespasser and spoke sarcastically.

"Loki. Did she come or not?"

"She stopped by for a moments notice." Loki's silver tongue twisted his words. Thor wasn't buying the lie. He started to walk into the washroom.

Behind Loki's back, his fingers waved. Right in front of Venus, in the washroom, a green portal opened. Thor and Loki spoke in the room but she could hardly hear. The portal exited into her room. She stepped through, assuming Loki knew what he was doing.

"So she left?" Thor walked into the washroom. No Venus. Thor had been defeated. "Brother, where is your mirror?" Loki walked in behind him.

"I took it upon myself to remodel. Bit of a lousy design by Odin, don't you think?" Thor laughed and rested his hand on Loki's shoulder.

"You, brother, are so... unique." Thor went and walked past him. Hopefully leaving.

Loki looked at the floor. A couple shards of glass were left so he picked them up and tossed them.