What Souls are Made Of

Chapter 14

We drove in silence for hours. The only noise came from the hum of the highway and the occasional slosh from Finn. I should have been mourning Sarah, my Sarah. The full-of-life, driven, funny woman I fell in love with, but instead, my mind sat in the distance between Millie and me. I needed to prepare her for so many things, but she was so far from me that I didn't know how to begin to bridge the gap.

"Do you want to drive?" I started.

"Huh?"

"I always drive, but I never asked if you want to; would you like to drive?"

"Oh, no," she absently spoke, "I like being able to let my mind drift."

"Okay," my murmur was lost in the highway noise. "But you should sometimes drive to get used to the car."

"Are you okay?" Burst from her like water finally breaking through a dam.

"Yeah, I think so. Are you okay?"

"Me? I'm fine," her tone came with a surprise.

"I'm sorry I put you in that position, and I'm sorry you had to see me like that."

"See you like what?"

"I'm a monster, Mil. I killed Sarah."

"You didn't kill Sarah, not your Sarah. As you said, you killed a monster and saved countless lives. You certainly saved mine."

"Don't do that," I shot as annoyance at her for feigning my defense coursed through me.

"Don't do what?"

"Act like you can defend me. I can tell you are scared."

"I am scared. Look around, Seth. I would have to be insane not to be scared."

"You can have the car, guns, everything..."

"What?" She shot up in her seat.

"You can just take it and move on. I don't want you to be forced to be around me when I scare you."

"I'm not scared of you." From her tone, I expected a laugh to slip from her lips; Sarah would have laughed at me.

"Then what are you scared of?"

"Seth, we are surrounded by mindless brain-eating zombies, and I am also aware of ruthless conscious zombies, plus there's..." She cut herself off.

"There's what?"

"Seth, the scariest part of the past twenty-four hours was the look in the motel clerk's eyes when he looked out at you."

Kissing me was the scariest part of her day. At least she showed some sense; what healthy human would want to kiss a zombie even if it were part of a plan?

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"What are you sorry for now?" Annoyance filled Millie.

"That I scared you. That the kiss..."

"The kiss? Have you lost your damn mind?"

"Um, well..."

"Seth, the kiss isn't what scared me. I was afraid he would kill you. I was afraid..."

"What? Mil, he can't kill me. I am already dead."

"You are not dead. Will you stop saying that? You are right here next to me, talking, thinking, feeling. You are as alive as I am!"

"Really?"

"So, you are a zombie; that doesn't mean you have no soul. That doesn't mean you don't deserve a life."