dream a little dream of me

ch14: when you're gone

"Fire is necessary. Even though it might seem random or instantaneous or impossible to control. Even if it's our last day on Earth, and everything around us is burning to the ground, fire has purpose. Fire knows what it's doing. And once it's started to spread, there's not actually much you can do to stop it. So what would you do with your last day on Earth?"

"Charge two hundred! Again- clear!"
Shouted Meredith Grey. Working along with the nurses and Margarette Pierce.  Lucas and Travis were both out in the hallway, waiting and praying for somekind of miracle to happen. Odds of survival were equal to zero. But the team of doctors didn't seem to give up. Even in the hallway Lucas Ripley could hear the shouting. See already tired faces of Grey and Pierce. Covered with sweat. Maybe even  tears. 

"No change! Let's double up! Four hundred!"
This time Maggie took over. 
"Clear!"
She said as she shot another wave of electricity to Victoria's chest.
"Come on, Vic! Come on! Come on, Vic!"
Those words, to Maggie Pierce, started to sound more like a mantra than just regular words.
Meredith was trying to think of a method for getting her heart back into proper function but unsuccessfully. Even the best cardio thoracic surgeon Seattle had could not find a solution to save the life of a young woman who heroically risked her life to save other people in need.
"Let's try this all over again!"
As the minutes passed by the agony became even worse. Impossible to handle.
Maybe it was the best to let go? But Meredith Grey wasn't a quitter. She was not letting go of her patients just like that. 

"Why did you choose me? Not Andy?"
Travis asked as he was sitting next to the Seattle Fire Chief. Lucas looked at him, shaking his head. 
"You two are soulmates. You are her best friend, Montgomery."
Travis shook his head.
"Not anymore. Andy took my place months ago. They were inseparable and you know that. This will broke her, you know that, right?"
Lucas just sighed.
"The entire situation will broke us, Montgomery. She has a husband to go to. I have no one. I don't have a wife to go to. I don't have a best friend to go to."
Travis looked up, furrowing his eyebrows.
"So, it's because of the beef between you and Sullivan? And you're taking it out on Andy."
Ripley shook his head but then started to talk.
"When Claire died- he told me to never speak to him again. The day when we were together in the Aid Car. I didn't forbid him to drive with us. And when Vic got hurt- he didn't even bother to call me. He didn't even bother to look around and take charge of the scene. To let me go to the hospital and be with my wife. To- to say goodbye."
With the last word his voice cracked, a single tear escaped his eye. Travis sighed deeply. Was this really a goodbye?
"But he did bother to run into a burning building and risk his own life to save your person. And he did bother to spare you the pain of watching her pleading to let her die and focus on saving the people who had better chances of survival."
With that Travis just stood up and walked away. Basically leaving the hospital to get some fresh air. Lucas Ripley sat alone in a quiet waiting room of the ICU. Thinking about everything what life send his way. 

Meanwhile, Robert Sullivan was back in the ER, laying on the bed and holding his wife on his chest. She was crying. Quietly sobbing.
"Vic got into a V-fib. Once again. She won't make it, Robert- and I didn't even get to see her. To say- to say goodbye."
He just kissed the top of her head as his hand was rubbing her back, holding her close.
He didn't really have words for this moment, except that he wanted more than anything for Victoria to make it out alive. Andy lost a childhood friend several months ago, she couldn't lost a best friend too. No. It just wasn't fair.
The moment was interrupted by italian obstetrician and gynecologist.
"Sorry for taking me so long. Andrea, how are you feeling? Dr. Helm explained me your symptoms and your labs just came back."
Andy just looked up at her- barely acknowledging her presence. Robert was about to move when Carina told him to stay where he is. She saw the moment wasn't the best to deliver the news, but it was protocol. She had to. It was her job, after all.
"Your Beta HCG came back positive. It usually happens around the first missed period, which is also a symptom of yours. I know this isn't the best moment to say something like this- but you are pregnant, Andrea. You're around 8 weeks far and your baby is a size of a bean."
Carina smiled as she held tight on a tablet, hoping this baby was wanted.
Robert just squeezed his wife a bit more, giving her another kiss on the forehead. This time he couldn't hold the smile back. Even Andy seemed to cheer up a bit. She looked from Carina up at Robert.
"We're pregnant?"
She asked her husband as her hand went up to his cheek. Robert nodded.
"We are pregnant."
Andy smiled pressing her lips against his as she felt several tears running down her cheeks. For a little moment she forgot the dark side of the reality and got to enjoy this happy little bubble with her husband, the love of her life.

Maggie Pierce was now sitting down on the floor, leaning against the glass door. She couldn't prevent the tears coming from her eyes. Meredith Grey was trying to catch a breath. Levi Schmitt and Jessica the nurse had fear mixed with sadness 'written' over their faces. 

Like I said- "So what would you do with your last day on Earth? Would you speak your mind? Could you admit your flaws? Would you give someone new a chance? Would you protect your heart? Would you share your space? Or would you wake up, get dressed, step out, breathe in, move beyond the past or sadness or worry, and just start running?"