Lose Yourself

So Let Be Written

So let be done.

Being an optimistic person never really did good for me. Didn't do good for anybody, did it?
 Too many hope, and when you combine that with your greatest dreams - even the smallest stumble can afflict you badly.

The pre-audition day.

I woke up around 6 am (no need for that at all), and spent two hours just sitting. Blank minded. No thoughts at all. I was supposed to meet Olga and Milica at 8, but Milica had her 18th birthday party last night, so it's reasonable she couldn't come.

Olga and I then headed to the arena. When we got there my mom was waiting with my sister and breakfast. We got in line - a huge line - of people waiting for entrance at the arena. We were there half an hour earlier so waiting was inevitable.

A man comes out the door (a guard i supose) to tell us that now they'll start inviting groups of people to come in, fill in forms, and finally perform. Good thing I didn't wait too long cause I was in front of the ''not so happy mob''.

Once I got in I saw another line. Again they were letting people in 5 by 5. Going through that I saw sort of a stand and a man gave me papers to fill in.

But nowhere I saw that song list part. Which meant I can change a song if I feel so. Mom was there just to feel in some parts cause I am underaged, and then she took my sister and they went home.

We were divided in rooms. Four of them, named by the alphabet sequently. Again, in went 5 people at a time.

After half an hour of waiting, the same guard came again, with a megaphone. ''At 11 there will be shooting of a scene on the staircase just outside. That wont last long and then you will be back to singing.''

And I'm like ''hell yeah, I'm in a scene''.

Since I wasn't called in yet, and it was 11am, we went outside for the scene. First we positioned in an X Factor logo shape. We got flags to wave, then baloons with helium to let fly, and the third cut scene was simple waving. It was all filmed for a 10 second commercial. But it lasted for 2 hours.

My hands felt like falling off. And I was exhausted. So if there was ever any stage fright before, now it's gone, cause I can't even stand straight cause I felt very tired.

Finally, around 3pm, I got invited. Room A. We formed a line and I stood first, I just wanted to get this over with and go home.

I went in. Two people, a lot older than me, a man and a woman. After greeting me and asking for basic info, they asked what song I prepared.

And I changed my choice. Again. Why am I not surprised?

While I was singing the man was dancing along, and the woman seemed distant.

The man said: ''That's enough, you have a great voice, I love how you sang that song, and you'll be noticed when to come again'', with a smile as wide as Danube is in the center of Belgrade.

He asked the woman if she's got something to add, and she snapped out of her distant moment: ''No, no, you were great.''

I went home very pleased with my performance, cause I actually sang the song very well. I told many people that I was great and that they told me that I'll be called.

They started calling people on February 20th.

The day after I felt sick of waiting and looked up their page on Facebook just to find out that I won't be called. I'm not getting a call.

And to think what they said and still get nothing from it. Why did I even think that it would be that easy? Why would they say something like that if they never intended on calling me?

I decided not to feel sour about it and in a short time I'll be applying for a karaoke contest, with Anastasia, as a duet.

Looking forward to that, should be a blast. The reward is 50 000 din. We'll just pick out some songs and see how it goes. I'm not giving up on singing.