Show me the stars that live in your eyes (A Maycury Story)

Chapter 12: Misunderstandings and Hickeys

Nervousness comes back when Brian is gone. He hasn't actually gone, he's just in the kitchen, trying to make tea with his shitty kettle. He tries to hold onto the noises Brian is making: cupboard doors opened and closed loudly, teacups clattering, spoons hitting the wood counter, the kettle whistling, milk and sugars being poured into the tea. Brian is still there, close enough to see if he decided to make a few steps closer to the doorway. He isn't going anywhere—or at least that's what Freddie keeps repeating to himself.

He waits on the couch, fiddling with the threads hanging off his T-shirt, anxiously picking at his nail polish from time to time, flakes falling on fabric and the wooden floor. The blanket Brian has wrapped him in earlier when he noticed him shivering has fallen—he's still shivering, but it doesn't feel important enough to do something about it. The lightbulb flickers momentarily and Freddie stares at it, observing the hideous flower pattern. Rain hits the windows at a quick rate: it seems even the weather is having a bad night.

Freddie can finally breathe properly when he sees Brian walk out of the kitchen holding two cups in his hands carefully. He places them on the coffee table in front of the couch and sits down by Freddie's side. Upon noticing that the blanket has fallen, he picks it up. Freddie expects him to wrap him in it again, but he doesn't. Instead, he pulls him on his lap lovingly and lays the blanket on the both of them.

"Are you okay?" Brian asks quietly, his nose buried in the crook of Freddie's neck.

Freddie thinks for a moment, trying to figure out if he is okay. He feels way better than he did an hour earlier, he feels more peaceful, calmer—even through the uncertainty that keeps nagging him.

"I feel better now," he responds slowly, forcing a smile on his face.

Brian places a light kiss on his brow before reaching forward for the teacups, trying not to make Freddie fall over at the same time. He hands him his tea and Freddie takes a sip, smiling when he realises that Brian's remembered exactly how he likes his tea.

"I still think we should talk," Brian blurts out at some point.

Freddie has feared this moment. Brian is there, holding him close, and talking sweetly in his ear like no ever has before, but there's still this lingering fear that it is only temporary, that cold will envelope him again accompanied by frightening, dreadful thoughts he tries to push away so often when Brian is away, only streets away in his own flat.

He reluctantly nods, bracing himself for the worst outcome.

"Look, Freddie, I—"

Brian takes their tea away and takes Freddie's hand in his. He breathes deeply for a few seconds, as if trying to calm himself. His thumb rubs Freddie's knuckles slowly.

"I get—I get really low sometimes. And when it happens, I tend to isolate myself from others," Brian explains, a frown on his face, lines between his brows that Freddie desperately wants to wipe away. He looks away for a moment and Freddie notices the hesitation on his face.

"Because I feel like a burden."

"Oh Bri..." Freddie whispers; he feels guilty. Brian shouldn't need to deal with him, especially not tonight.

"It's okay, I feel okay now, but I just don't want you to think that I don't want you around," Brian says, a bit firmer than before, determined to get his point across.

Biting his lip, Freddie looks away, not completely convinced.

"Aren't you bored of me?" He brings himself to ask, barely audible, as if hoping Brian didn't really hear him. "I know that I'm a lot sometimes and that it can—it can be tiring."