Fckd Up// Ranboo Angst

1~-Worst Days-~1

I wake up and listen to the sound of birds and the sun gleaming in my room at the perfect spot. Every time my room looks like this when I wake, I think it's gonna be a bad day. Just from past experience I guess...

From living 15 years of my life, I have settled with the prettiest days are always the worst. First day of school: My room looked like this. When anything bad happened: My room looked like this.

I sit up and look at my phone, it's 1 in the afternoon and my mom texted me. "Your cousins will be here."

Thanks, mom? no other information, when will they be here? how much time do I have to get ready? I probably should hurry I think.

I get up off my bed and walk to my closet getting a view of myself in my full-sized mirror that shows every part of my body I don't want it to. god, I need to get that mirror out of here. walking past that and getting a glimpse of my body just makes me ache. I'm too skinny and I just don't like how I look. I just gleam with awkwardness.

My old friends would always make fun of me about how I stood, how I walked, how my body looked, heck even how I blinked. one thing that always stuck to me was my weight.

"Your so skinny, Dude! haha! I could just snap you in half!" Usually, people would want to hear that, but it got so repetitive and more negative -- just not good. I'd eat and eat and eat just to gain any weight that I could... then it'd just disappear.

I open my closet doors and get a slight glimpse of my face in a tiny mirror I have in my closet. I'm crying?

I'm crying?

why am I crying?

I put on a plain beige hoodie with some black jeans and look back in the mirror. what?

why the fuck am I crying?

I walk into my bathroom and grab a washcloth and wipe my face off. It just keeps coming. then I hear a knock on my door that makes me flinch.

"Yea?" I answer

"Your family will be here anytime now, so get out of your room, hun!" My mom says.

Oh, I look in the mirror to make sure it didn't look like I was leaking tears and opened the door.

"uhm, who's coming?" I ask.

"Just Makayla, Ema, Grayson, and Lydia"

"Why?"

she just shrugs and tells me to hurry. I close my door and go back into the bathroom. I grab the washcloth again and get cold water on it. I remember overhearing some of the 'quirky' kids talking about how much they cried and how they made it stop.

I take the cold cloth and hold it to under my eyes. god, I hope that works.

I look out and see my aunt and uncles car, oh and their bratty children.

-•-•-•-•-•-•-

The 6 family members walk inside the house piling their coats onto me, not very much appreciated. The children all make their way to the living room and do not even take their shoes off before putting their feet on the couch, what the hell.

My aunt took off her shoes, thank you. and she walked over to a different couch sitting with my mom. I walk over to the doorway and lean on it with my hands in my hoodie pocket.

The sun was coming through the window perfectly, it must have been a golden hour because the whole living room had a shade of orange glowing over it.

"So what does Ranboo do for fun again? wasn't it that silly fort-knight game?" my aunt asks.

My mom replies, "No, he streams Minecraft, it's a game full of blocks I think, right Ranboo?" she turned to me and I nodded.

Oh god, here comes the weird comments, how much do you make, is that a real job? And shit like that.

"Hmph," My aunt sighs. "Is he even going to get anywhere with that?"

"He's good at it, he makes 100's of dollars a day and thousands a month it's impressive!"

"It's not, I work a real job and make more but whatever." my aunt looks me up and down "Jesus christ how much do you eat" She laughs. "Are you feeding him anything..."

My mom just laughs and starts talking.

I just shrugged and pulled my sleeves up to the palms of my hands. Did I look that weird?

It's been like 5 minutes but this conversation is the worst thing ever, she's commenting on how I look, how worthless I am, how much I don't do for the family. I just want to get away from it.

"I'll be back around 9," I say and walk upstairs and as soon as my hand touches my doorknob the tears start flowing.

I quickly get in my room and lean against the door slowly sliding down and bringing my knees to my chest.

oh god, not again

I get up and go in my bathroom drawers looking for a razor. "Where is it?" I mumble to myself and finally find it.

One becomes two, two becomes three, three becomes four till I realize how deep I went and how many there are. There's blood all over my arms, and cuts trailing all the way down.

What have I done?...

I grab a tissue and wipe the cuts quickly with a wet towel hoping that the water stops the blood and it's good enough.

I grab my skateboard and head out.

I walk downstairs to see them still talking and I walk outside, I have a few options to do. I could just end it here. I could go to a food place, I'm not that hungry recently so maybe later. I could go to the skatepark, yep!

As I was skateboarding there I could feel one of my wrists getting a weird feeling , eh it's nothing just my mind playing tricks... I tend to just imagine weird things lately like ants crawling through my skin.

I hope.

PLEASE GO READ MY OTHER BOOK "LIKE A ROCKSTAR" IT MAY NOT BE FINISHED BUT I SWEAR ITS BETTER THAN THIS ABSOLUTE RUBBISH