Fckd Up// Ranboo Angst

14~-Tommy-~14

You know, I know who I am. I mean, I don't know know who I am because i'm only 17, but I know, like, who I am when i'm with people, or when they're looking at me.

If you look at one of my class pictures, I bet you can find me. It won't be hard. Who's the guy who's not smiling? Who, even if he's next to two kids, kind of still looks like he's standing alone, because they're standing a little away from him? Are his clothes kinda... plain? Loose? Kind of nothing. Do you even remember his name?

You can spot the kids who will and have had it easy. I don't even have to describe them to you. You can spot the people who will get on by smarts, you can spot the people who will get by because they're tough, or athletic.

And then there is me.

That one falling apart kid who never gets anything right, and sits alone in the cafeteria, and is always thinking of video games, or gets shoved in the hallway and called names, because that's his spot.

And sometimes he gets mad, and punches, and cuts, because what else is there? So when Phil asks, "who keeps your secrets?" I think, nobody.

Nobody until Owen.

He was my one and only chance and he chose me.

You don't know what that feels like, probably because your used to having friends.

You probably have a mom and dad, or at least one who's not dead and they dont hit you because who you like.

Nobody moves away from you in the class picture.

So you don't know what it feels like every day, every fucking day to be so lonely that this black hole inside is going to swallow you down.

until the one day this person, this really beautiful person? comes to your school and he just seems to not care that everyone is staring at him in his black shirt and black pants with chains and rips, his big black boots, and wild pink hair.

And he is the best person you could ever meet, you would hang out every day.

But you would just have them taken from you because of one call, one fucking call, the one call that could save their life.

If I would have picked up that call, you could have met them, Will. —

It felt nice to vent to someone, if I would have sent that i'd be dead.

I throw my phone on the ground and bring my knees to my forehead.

buzz buzz

I get off my bed and pick up my phone that I threw across my room. Maybe they finally want me and not Mark

no no no no. It sent.

"Tom, I know you probably didn't mean to send this cause i know you don't like sharing your feelings, but i want you to know that i am and will always be here for you even if you don't want me to be." one of the messages said.

"aww" I said and the tears started flowing "shitt"

"i am so so so sorry for that person, and i'm sorry for you." another read.