Star-Crossed

Part 9

The manual starts off by explaining how the Squad is organized.

Currently, the Squad is comprised of 500 members total, throughout the entire Galaxy of Seratona - this includes members old and new.

But not deceased.

When the Great War began, the Squad had roughly 10,000 members in it, so a large number of Cadets were lost during that period of time.

Each Cadet within the Squad is assigned to a specific Cohort, which is comprised of five Cadets total and of which one of the Cadets is the Captain of the Cohort. Each Cohort also has a Mentor - an older and more veteran member of the Squad.

Based on their strengths, weaknesses and interests, these six Squad members - four Cadets, one Captain and a Mentor - work together to either conduct research, develop certain technologies, complete missions or do some combination of all three.

Assignments are often based on the current needs of the Squad, the Lords of Shinar and the Galaxy of Seratona at large.

I have been assigned to Cohort 53 - the Cohort that Zayn is training to be the Captain of. It has not yet been decided officially who Cohort 53's Mentor will be, though for now, it seems like Xeno is acting as the stand-in Mentor.

Unfortunately (though not surprisingly), Eva and Max are my Cadet-mates in Cohort 53, at least for now. Apparently, according to the manual, we will find out who our fifth Cadet-mate is once we are done with our mission on the planet that we are headed to, Planet Mimba.

I suppose it depends on how Recruitment Day went on some of the other planets. I desperately hope I get along with whomever our fifth Cadet-mate ends up being.

The manual goes onto explain that currently, there is quite a bit of conflict happening within the Galaxy, though it doesn't go into much detail.

In order to continue to keep Seratona safe and peaceful, the Squad has been heavily recruiting for new Cadets.

500 Cadets keeping all of Seratona safe for the foreseeable future does seem a bit impossible. Recruitment makes sense. But the urgency with which they are trying to find new Cadets makes it feel like the Squad is preparing for something...though, it's still unclear exactly what.

But what do I know? My mind is probably just crafting stories, as it often likes to do.

Due to the urgent nature of the situation happening on Planet Mimba, the manual continues, it was imperative to leave Dard as quickly as possible and head to Mimba before it's too late.

The Lords of Shinar (who help fund the Galactic Squad, as Xeno mentioned earlier during breakfast) were hoping to leave Dard with four new recruits as GS Cadets.

"Karina," the manual goes on, almost as if speaking directly at me.

In light of the unexpected situation with Niko, we would have left Dard with only two new Cadets - Eva and Max - which is less-than-ideal, due to the numbers that we need, so the Lords of Shinar granted Xeno permission to make the executive decision of whether or not to accept you, in place of Niko.

Then it hits me. Xeno was the man draped in dark robes who whispered in Zayn's ear before Zayn announced that I'd be joining the Galactic Squad.

I look up from the manual for a moment and fight back tears that I know are waiting to pour out of me like a gushing waterfall. I catch Zayn's eye. He smiles and winks. I manage a weak smile back and then swivel my chair around so that no one on the ship can see my face. I look down again, pretending to continue to read. Wet, salty tears stain the pages below me.

All of a sudden, I hear footsteps. Someone must be near! I can't let anyone see me like this. Still weak, still attached to the past. Quickly, I wipe my face.

"Karina," Xeno's deep, kind voice bellows in my ears.

My body tenses a bit - mostly out of shock and a bit out of the intimidation I feel when I'm merely in Xeno's presence.

He comes and sits down so that he is facing me, my back still toward the center of the ship.

"Karina," he says again. "I am truly sorry for your loss. I know how close you were to Niko."

I look at him and nod in acknowledgement. I am not quite sure what to say. Eventually, I muster up the courage to admit, "I feel guilty for his death and as much as I have wanted to be a part of this Squad, for as long as I can remember, I don't feel like I am supposed to be here."

Xeno sighs and nods, indicating that he understands exactly how I must be feeling.

"Karina, I cannot teach you to believe in yourself. That is up to you," Xeno answers. "But what I can say with conviction is that I have my reasons, and they are very good reasons, for accepting you into the Squad. You are meant to be here."

I look at him, full of gratitude.

"But, what about facing my greatest attachment? What about being a part of the Squad because I earned my right to be here?" I ask. "I just feel like such an imposter."

"You have endured great loss in the death of Niko," asserts Xeno, "but also when you lost your family, so many years ago. These facts are not to be taken lightly. And still, many greater challenges await you."

I sigh a big sigh - a mixture of exasperation and relief.

The thought of enduring anymore loss makes me nauseous. But I'm happy to hear that Xeno single-handedly chose me to be a part of the Squad.

Still - what does he mean? What "greater challenges" is he referring to, exactly?

I know that I haven't officially performed the sacrifice necessary to be a legitimate Cadet. I never thought for a moment that I'd be able to weasel my way out of that one. This is precisely what makes me feel so inadequate and uncomfortable.

Xeno continues, "We become attached to a great many entities throughout the course of our lives, Karina. What one destroys at fifteen may manifest itself in a different form at age twenty or sprout up as a completely different type of attachment altogether at some point."

He puts his hand on my shoulder and becomes more serious than usual.

"The key to being an outstanding GS Cadet is to continue to recognize those entities which hold us back from becoming the truest, best-expressed version of ourselves. Once we have the ability to identify these entities on our own, then the choice is ours, and ours alone, to either destroy them, or, to let them shape us into lesser versions of the people we have a sense we could be," he says.

"How do I begin to recognize these entities for myself?" I inquire. "Don't I need the Occulizer."

"There are so, so few things in this life that we actually need, Karina," responds Xeno. "One of the things you will hopefully learn as you train to become a better and better Cadet is to do an even better job than the Occulizer at recognizing your greatest attachments."

He stands up but before leaving gives me one last piece of wisdom. "Be patient, Karina. And believe in yourself. Because if you do not believe in yourself, why will anyone else?"

I nod and smile, "Thank you, Xeno. Thank you for everything."

"Don't thank me just yet, young lady. This is just the beginning," he responds. And then heads back to the control center.

The weight of Xeno's words fall onto me, gently, as I observe him head back to his station and stand next to Zayn. I feel calm and strong.

Zayn turns around and gives me a quick thumbs up and then a thumbs down, as if to ask me how it just now went with Xeno.

I roll my eyes and flash the cheesiest smile I can muster-up, raising my eyebrows and giving him two big thumbs-up.