Star-Crossed

Part 17

I slide into the pod and lie next to Zayn. The tips of his fingers sort of brush mine as I get comfortable.

That tingly feeling has hijacked my entire body.

"So, what do you want to talk about?" I ask Zayn.

"Oh, I don't know," he responds. "I just can't sleep, and I feel like hanging out a bit."

There's sort of an awkward silence. I don't know what to say.

"Thank you for saving me," Zayn finally says. "I am so grateful."

I take a deep breath. In and out.

"I would have never been able to live with myself if I didn't try to help you," I respond.

He grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze. My heart literally skips a beat.

"Congrats on becoming a Captain," I finally find my voice and say.

"Thanks," Zayn responds. "It's not official, though."

We both laugh. And then again - a period of awkward silence.

"Hey Zayn," I inquire, "I have a question for you."

"Shoot," he responds.

"What was the greatest attachment that you had to destroy in order to be a Cadet?" I ask.

He waits a few moments before answering.

"Well, the Occulizer called it 'Self-Righteousness'", Zayn says.

"What did it mean by that?" I ask.

"Honestly, when those words first flashed across the screen," Zayn responds, "I was really surprised. I didn't understand what it meant. I'll never forget the feeling of confusion I had."

Again, silence. But, I can feel Zayn thinking.

"I think sometimes I feel like I am better than everyone or something," Zayn finally continues.

"Like I'm somehow more full of good or something. Like a Saint or something."

I can feel him waiting for a response from me, but I'm not exactly sure what to say.

Zayn fills the silence. "I just feel like so many people are so dumb sometimes. And they do such stupid stuff. I don't know."

We are both silent for a few moments, lost in our own thoughts.

"What are you thinking about?" he asks me.

I wonder what he actually had to do on his Recruitment Day to destroy his attachment and if he still deals with it from time-to-time.

But I decide to say something else.

"Oh, nothing. I am just thinking about how you'll make a great Captain," I respond. "I also wonder when I will - if I ever will - have to face my greatest attachment."

Turning to face him, I smile. He faces me and smiles back. We are both lying on our sides now, staring at each other in silence.

"Thanks for saying that, Karina. Though, given what happened back in Mimba, it seems like you would make a great Captain yourself," he says, winking.

I laugh, "Oh please."

"And, don't worry too much," he adds jokingly, "because you are guaranteed to be faced with several attachments to destroy throughout your time as a Cadet."

"Wait, I don't get it?" I respond.

"Well, I mean, I still struggle with that self-righteousness stuff," answers Zayn. "I catch myself thinking I know more than other people."

"What do you do when that happens?" I ask.

"I mean, I just try to remember that judging people so hardcore keeps me from being able to learn anything from them," he answers.

"That just got real deep right there," I respond, pinching his side.

He laughs and we both shift onto our backs.

I wonder how attachments even form in the first place. Where do people's weaknesses come from? Why?

All of a sudden, Zayn moves his body closer to mine. He puts his hand on my neck and pulls my face close to his.

I can hear us both breathing heavily. Our lips barely touch. He looks at me in the eyes. He has such kind and strong eyes.

And then he kisses me - long and hard.

At first, I let him kiss me, but then I wrap my arms around him and kiss him back.

It's all a bit awkward. He's trying to balance himself with a broken arm. I'm sort of on my back and sort of on my side. The pod is so small. It's hot and sticky. But then, it all starts to make sense. It all begins to feel so...perfect.

We stop kissing and take a moment to look at each other. We both smile.

"I think I just made you blush, Kishmish," Zayn teases.

"Hey, I never said that you could call me that," I respond, playfully.

We kiss once more and then lie on our backs, holding hands. We chat for a few more minutes, and then I drift off to sleep.

Reality melts into my dreams.