Music in the Key of Love

Chapter 31: A Realization

Graham rose slowly and painfully from his position after Cressida left. Should he follow her to class? Probably not, that would just be a sure-fire way to get arrested or something. He began walking toward the subway station, but passed it, and the next one as well. He decided to just walk the whole way; he figured it would be good for him. It was cold, and of course he didn't have a shirt on, but he felt like the cold he could feel swirling down the neck and up the sleeves of his coat was no more than he deserved. He reveled in the briskness of the day, in the numbness of his ears from the temperatures. The more pain he could feel, the better.

Poor Cress! What had he done? The look on her face, like she'd turned to stone, her little hand on the knob as she stared.

He was now in Midtown, and saw a man and woman walking in front of him, swinging a little girl between them. Even though they were quite a bit in front of him, he could hear the squeals of delight coming from the girl as they swung her high so she could land squarely on her pink boots.

He wanted that with Cress.

The realization hit him between the eyes like the proverbial bolt of lightning.

He wanted that with Cress.

He'd never, ever thought in terms of a family, of permanence, before. He thought nothing of rebuffing woman after woman who'd come along, wooed by his broad shoulders and sex appeal. He'd just assumed he'd be alone forever, and it hadn't bothered him a bit.

And then this woman, this little sprite of a girl, had somehow wormed her way into his heart and taken up permanent residence there. While he'd been busy worrying about himself and his future, she'd come along and shown him what his future was really all about. Cress had given him all of herself, from her indomitable spirit to her faithful heart. And he'd given her a gift wrapped flagon of slime in return.

Graham discovered that there was nothing quite so bitter as self-hatred early in the morning.

He let himself into the apartment quietly, not wanting to talk to anyone if he didn't have to. Unfortunately, the other occupants of the apartment didn't feel that way and Katherine came into the kitchen while he was pouring himself a cup of coffee.

She sat across from him, staring.

"What?" he asked, taking a sip.

"What happened? After you left?"

Graham sighed. "I chased her though Central Park, found her and we talked."

"That took all night? You were in Central Park all night?"

"No, then we went to her place—look, I don't want to talk about it, okay?"

"You went to her place? So you two are all straightened out?"

"I told you, I don't want to talk about Cress with you, it has nothing to do with you."

"How can you say that after yesterday? I'd say I'm involved up to the brows."

Graham looked at her. "You must know that what happened between us is not going to happen again. I love Cress, not you. It was a mistake, an accident—"

"An accident? What were you trying to do, then, play a game of cards with me? We both know where things were headed when she walked in."

"Yeah, and it would've been an even bigger mistake. I don't have any feelings for you, Kath. Even my anger has turned into plain old indifference. I'm sorry, I know it's not nice to hear, but it's true. I have a professional relationship with your mother, but that's it, okay? My heart belongs to Cress."