Music in the Key of Love

Chapter 35: The deClerq Competition

AN: Only one chapter left after this, okay?

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Graham was upset that Cressida couldn't be backstage with him.

"I need you there," he said, his voice urgent.

"I'll be there, just out front with Andrea," Cressida said, quite reasonably, she thought. "Besides, you'll have Saint Cecilia with you, you're good."

They were having this discussion in bed the night before the competition.

"She's dead and gone, I need you," he repeated, holding her close as they lay together.

"And you're not going to think about—about the other thing, right?" Cressida prompted. "Not tomorrow, anyway. We'll talk more about it next week. We can't schedule anything before then anyway."

"I'll try," he promised. This was going to be difficult for Graham, as he thought of Cressida constantly, and every time he saw her, he could tell she didn't feel well. He kissed her, gently, and she kissed him back, allowing this contact.

"I love you, Cress," he murmured, kissing her again and again.

"I love you, too. Now try to get some sleep."

She could tell by his breathing when he fell asleep. She turned in his arms so she could see his face in the semidarkness. Even in sleep, he looked stern and suspicious, stormy and upset. She hoped he wouldn't have any nightmares, tonight of all nights.

Sleep eluded her for quite a while that night. She briefly considered getting out of bed to watch TV or something, but he still held her, leg over hers, arms crossed on her back, so she decided not to bother. Instead, she put her arms around his neck and buried her face in his chest. She loved feeling overwhelmed by his body, of being surrounded by him.

She finally drifted off, and was still in deep sleep when the watery winter sunlight awakened Graham. He considered waking Cress, but could tell that she was exhausted and needed the sleep. He knew she'd been wide awake last night when he fell asleep. Who knew how she was feeling, physically, as well as emotionally?

He disentangled himself from her and pressed a kiss to her forehead before heading off to the shower. When he emerged, twenty minutes later, she hadn't twitched.

Graham got dressed as quietly as he could, looking at his suit, hanging on the back of the bathroom door. He'd never felt so tormented about a performance before. Did he want to win? Of course he did, right?

But he didn't want to leave Cress for an entire year, did he?

No, he did not. In fact, with the way things stood between them, he didn't even know if their relationship would survive a year apart. He knew that Cressida was still skittish about him and his ability to commit; who knew what twelve months away from each other would do?

He needed to think of it in terms of choices, he decided. More choices was always better, right? If he won the competition, he'd have more choices; conversely, if he lost, a choice would be taken away, therefore winning was better.

Good, that was decided, then.

But if the choice was taken out of his hands, that might not be a bad thing, either. No choice to be made, just being with Cress forever and ever, amen.

Cress sighed in her sleep and turned over, snuggling into the down comforter, looking so good he was tempted to get back in bed with her. But Graham knew that doing that would only make him want to do things, things that she wasn't ready to do yet.