Starkid / TCB Quotes I love

Twisted

Act I

1 - Prologue
Sherrezade : The Happiest Place on Earth became "Da Crappiest Place on Earf".

2 - Dream A Little Harder
Woman : 'cause if you're good and you're attractive, no need to be proactive!
All : Good things will just happen to you!

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Ja'far : What about the book?
Bookstore man : Keep it. And may the rats ejaculate upon you.
Ja'far : Thank you!

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Woman : Why does the sun go down at night?
Child : Why is everyone in the kingdom white?

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Ja'far : Oh! Pardon me, ma'am!
Belle : Oh, that's alright, just try to keep your fat face out of that motherfucking book!

3 - In The Marketplace

Ja'far : Bird, sometimes I feel as if you're my only friend in this world!
Bird : *squawk* Fuck you!
Ja'far : Right.

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Captain of the Royal Guard : Abdul, you're alive?! I thought you choked on shit!

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Captain of the Royal Guard : This is all your fault, Ja'far.
Ja'far : My fault? How is this my fault and not that thief's?
Captain of the Royal Guard : There wouldn't be any thieves if you fixed the socio-economic inequality like you promised!

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Captain of the Royal Guard : The street rat threw a whip in his face. He told him that he'd never seen a horse with two rear ends. Now, I'm not sure if the thief meant that the prince had a big horsey ass or a horse ass for a face.

4 - "I Steal Everything"
Aladdin : Tsk tsk tsk. Look at this mess! Dead bodies in the street. The state of this kingdom! It's no place to raise a monkey! C'mon Monkey, don't be scared! Yeah! It's just a dead body! You can have fun with 'em. Look, you can kick 'em. YOU can eat 'em!

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Aladdin : I steal only what I can't afford. And that's everything!

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Aladdin : I was talking to Monkey about it, and he thinks we should just kill you.
Monkey : Ahh!
Aladdin : But I was like, "No Monkey, that's crazy!". But now, I'm kinda thinking... "Yeah"...

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Aladdin : Just one question, why man?
Man : 'Cause you stole my daughters hymen!
Aladdin : That's completely fair, but in my defense, dude, your daughter's hot!
Daughter : Yeah!
Aladdin and Man : *high five*

5 - Prince Achmed
Prince Achmed : Tell me, what do you see?
Ja'far : Your heart boxer shorts, my liege.
Prince Achmed : What else?
Ja'far : Your ass cheeks, my lord.
Prince Achmed : My ass cheeks. They're hanging out! And what's this? Blood. Blood, on my ass cheeks. Tell me, Ja'far. How the fuck did it get there?
Ja'far : Well, um, is it because-
Prince Achmed : It is because your Princess just sicced a Bengal tiger upon my ass! I assume lucky that it is so pert and small.
Ja'far : Well, I am grateful for your tiny ass, my lord.