Let's go back to the night I saw James again.Maybe a little earlier than that.Like I said I went to check on Evelyn,I feel like I haven't talked about Evelyn that much but she was a really important person in my life and in the story too. While I was walking home to find her I was actually scared that she would judge me and that's because I knew that she had to,I knew it was wrong to reconnect with James but I really didn't care,I loved him,I loved him so much and it wasn't just the fact that I loved him,it was the fact I hated myself without him,I hated myself because I was blaming me for everything that had happened.So I guess I just wanted all this guilt to go away. When I got home she was really mad.She told me that she wanted to talk with me.I was so afraid about what she was gonna say.
She sat down and she was trying to keep her voice low and stay calm.She didn't wanna get into a fight with me.I remember the exact words that came out of her mouth,she said "since you can't listen to me,not even for once,go ahead,do whatever you want but I don't want that man ever involved in any of our conversations,and when he hurts you cause he will I won't be here for you."
I can't even describe with words how hurt but also how mad I was after she said those things. That's because i've always been there for her on all of her stupid decisions,all the times she got back with her manipulative and abusive ex.But when I needed James into my life she bailed on me. Even though she didn't wanna get into a fight with me,we fought,for hours. I wasn't planning to fight her.When she said those things I just tried to explain to her how I felt,about all those days that I was thinking of him,when I was crying so hard and begging my self into the mirror to be patient and that everything will be alright.As I was telling her all these things I couldn't help myself not to cry. Evelyn was really shocked.One thing about me is that I know how to hide my feelings.I want to hide my feelings.Even when I would see a cute guy I would never admit to anyone that I liked him.I was the funny friend who always wanted to solve everybody's problems except mine.And it was the worst feeling when I finally made other people happy again because I knew nobody could make me feel that way. I was born with a curse.A curse that made me so effective to people so I can help them when I knew that no one could ever have this much effect to me.
She hugged me,she said she was sorry about everything she said. I told her that she doesn't have to worry about me.I was so mad after her answer to that. She said word by word "Actually I do have to worry,after everything you said and after I saw how deep this boy has got into your head I think I have the right to worry" I asked her what she said and she answered "You are slowly becoming Beth,you worried about her,didn't you?And you know exactly why you were worried about her,that's exactly why I am not okay with you and James reconnecting." This is how we started fighting.The whole fight was about me trying to convince her and myself that I was nothing like Beth. After a while she left,she went out with her cousins,I was invited too but I was planning to meet James. Now that I narrate it I should have gone with Evelyn,I should have listened to her.
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