you can't sit here and tell me you're okay. you can't sit here and smile and expect me to believe it's real. you can't laugh and pretend, yourself, that you're okay. because right here, in this point in time, you aren't. you're not okay and won't be for quite a while. they damaged you, they broke your heart. you sit in your room at three o'clock in the morning with your back running down the wall, and you're screaming your lungs out. you put your head in your hands and sob until you hear your ribs crack, and right as your heart begins to throb and ache like you can actually feel it breaking, you're asleep. you wake up at five o'clock, groggy, almost unable to open your eyes, because the previous night you cried yourself to sleep at three o'clock in the morning. and you get up, barely able too, and you put your legs in your pants, one leg at a time. and you put your shirt on, so slowly, that you're almost late for school. you walk into school, smiling and happy, but really who are you trying to fool? your best friend, knows you were up till three in the morning balling your eyes out, and your ex boyfriend/girlfriend knows that your ribs were cracking and your heart was throbbing. and hell, even the people you aren't friends with anymore, know, you got a good two hours of sleep, due to tears. even though you probably think that everyone thinks you're fine. your head droops in class, begging to stay awake. and your eyes shutter and your listening to the teachers words that are getting faint. so you ask to go to the bathroom and when you get there, you splash some water on your face and head for the stall, only to realize, your cuts are bleeding. so quickly you grab some toilet paper and wipe it up, and then head back to class. the day goes by, slowly, but it goes by. and you get home, drop everything off at the front door, so it's ready for tomorrow, and you head strait to your room. you go lye down and immediately the tears start flowing and you can't breathe. you get up and think to yourself, what is wrong with me, why can't i be good enough. you cut up your thighs so that no one sees, and you take a quick shower to stop the bleeding, and then you go downstairs so you can eat dinner, which is rare because most of the time you lose your appetite, but you eat dinner with your family and act like everything is okay, once you're done eating, you wash the dishes and head back up to your room and turn your music up, so loud, to drown out your sobs and screams and gasps for air. and then you're stuck, doing the same thing you did last night. it's three o'clock and you feel like you're dying and you know that you can't stop the pain, even though you want to so badly. so you sit, with your back running down a wall until it's three in the morning and you can hear your ribs crack and you can feel your heart breaking.
and you fall asleep.
