lullabies through the window

Eighteen: Free

The worst had come to worst. 

Morgan carried a limp Spencer and the CPap machine, and held his phone to his ear with his shoulder. Hotch and the team was on the other end, and was speeding back, SWAT close behind. 

"Morgan, be careful--" "Make sure to be quiet--" "Where's Garcia?"

"She was downstairs when the warning went out. I think she must be out of the building." Morgan whispered. He had found an elevator and hit the down button. 

Suddenly, the power went out. 

"Of course." Morgan groaned quietly, turning away from an elevator and towards the stairs. 

"What's wrong?" Rossi asked. 

"Power's out." Morgan responded.

Hotch winced and pushed down on the gas. "Be careful, Morgan. We think it's Amber. We don't know what she wants, but it could be Spencer."

"Got it, Hotch."

Hotch nodded. JJ was in the passenger seat holding his phone. Keeping his eyes on the road, he called, "How's Spencer?" 

"He's-" Morgan looked down at Spencer and nearly dropped him. "Spencer?" He breathed.

Spencer's dark eyes blinked slowly, almost painfully. He seemed confused.

"What's going on?" Emily leaned to the phone from the backseat. 

"He's awake." He said quietly into the phone, turning his attention back to Spencer. He ignored the gasps from the team. "Hey, pretty boy." He said soothingly. "Everything's gonna be okay, just stay calm. Can you do that for me?" 

Spencer lay completely still, his eyes beginning to show vague fear. He blinked again. 

Morgan furrowed his eyebrows and continued down the stairs. "Spencer, can you hear me?" He whispered.

Spencer's eyes continued to show pure panic. Morgan began to get worried; when Spencer was just nervous he would fidget. But he seemed terrified, and he wasn't moving a muscle. "Spencer, can...can you move?" He asked tentatively. 

Spencer didn't reply. 

Morgan reached the bottom of the stairs."Um...one blink for yes, two blinks for no. Can you move?" 

Spencer stared at Morgan for a moment... and blinked twice. 

"Shit..." He breathed. He opened the door carefully and looked out into the hallway. He was at the bottom floor. Seeing nobody, he stepped out into the hallway. He began towards the door. "I know you can't tell me now, but do you know how it happened?" He looked down at Spencer, waiting for a response. 

"No. He was passed out when Margot dosed him." A voice said from behind. 

Morgan froze. He looked down at Spencer, who was slowly fading from consciousness.

Morgan slowly turned around and was face to face with Amber, who held a gun loosely in her hand.

She mouthed for him to hang up his phone.

"Uh... Hotch? I'm gonna have to call you back..." 

"No, Morgan, y--"

The team went silent as the heard Morgan hang up the phone. 

"Step on it, Aaron." Rossi said from the backseat.

Amber had never looked more pitiful. She had deep dark spots under her eyes, her lips and face were chapped, mascara and tears, dried and fresh, ran down her cheeks. Her hair was untouched and messy, and she seemed to be constantly shivering. 

"Amber..." Morgan began, ready to reason his way out. 

She looked down and shook her head. 

"They're both dead." She whispered hopelessly to the floor. 

"What?" Morgan asked.

She looked up, her eyes churning with both helpless depression and maniacal fury. 

"I'm the only one left." She growled. "You broke the deal. WE HAD A DEAL." She screamed, and choked on a sob she had been trying to hold back.

"I didn't break the deal, I--"

"Yes. You did." She breathed heavily. "You were in on it, you planned it, you helped Mark escape. You--you..." She trailed off, her eyes drifting down to Spencer again. They snapped back up to Morgan. "You broke the deal. Now... I can't have Mark Adams. I see that now. But I want Spencer." She stepped towards Morgan, who immediately stepped back. 

"No." He responded firmly.

She took a deep breath and nodded, stepping away from him."Do... do you even know why I did it?" She finally asked.

Morgan answered, trying to hold back his rage. "What? Murder multiple men? Kidnap my best friend and torture him so you could get revenge on someone else?" 

She rolled her eyes through her streaming tears. "Duh," she sniffled. "What else would I be talking about?" She took a second, and wiped her nose on her sweatshirt sleeve. She looked back at Morgan. "Well?" She shrugged. "Do you know?" 

He shook his head slowly.

"I did it for them. After Mark took us, we were never the same. Ever. Especially Sarah and Margot. Nothing was helping, I-- I just wanted my friends back. All our other friends left because we-- just c- couldn't be happy. We weren't the people they befriended and they all fell away. On Margot's birthday..." She wiped her nose again. "I asked her to make a wish. She said she wanted to kill Mark." She paused again and added. "I should have reminded her not to tell us what she wished." Her voice broke. "She always forgot th- that if you say it out loud, it won't c- ome true."

She completely broke down, but continued anyway. "And Sarah said that it could be arranged." Her voice shook and got higher. "An-d that was the first time we smiled... i-n a y- year." 

Morgan watched, and he tried desperately not to feel pity. But all he could see was a strong person who had lost everything. Committed every sin to get her friends back, and still lost them in the end. He knew in that moment that if Spencer had been broken like that-- if he had smiled for the first time in a year because someone said they would kill his abuser-- then he would help Spencer kill them, too. He could see himself in Amber.

"I thought about it for a w- while, but... I didn't commit fast enough. I didn't tell them th- that I agreed and wanted him dead, too. and... one day, we were at work..." She took a shaky breath and tried to calm herself. "I couldn't find Sarah and Margot, s- so I went looking. And I found them... in the records room... and th- ey had hung themselves with extensions cords." She sobbed. "I... I think we all died that day. Everybody said that we had died when Mark tortured us, but we-- we were still trying after that. No..." Her voice shook dangerously. "When I saw them in their hospital beds, I died. I failed them, I... I could have helped if I had just committed. And when they woke up, they were dead, too. After that, I only ever saw them smile when we talked about killing Mark, or while we were torturing someone." She sniffed loudly. 

"So that's why you killed people in the hospital." Morgan said. "Because that's where you died."

She ignored him.

"Why are you telling me all of this?" Morgan asked."Nothing you say will convince me to give up Spencer."

"I don't want Spencer anymore." She whispered. 

"Then what do you want?" Morgan asked.

She looked up from the ground and at Morgan with solid resolution. "I want to see my friends again."

She raised the gun and pulled the trigger.

Morgan yelled to stop her-- but too late.

Amber lay on the ground, blood flowing from the gunshot wound through her skull. 

She was finally free.