His To Desire

Pain and missing

Pete looks at his father"what's going on where is he?"his heart his racing unstop and the thoughts about his man that he kept to himself since the found out the whole ordeal flashed him and the heavy feeling is now swallowing him.

"As you know yesterday he went into war.......we can never predict what happens doing war son....we lost most of our men since it was an ambush and we weren't aware of ...."

"Cut it dad ....WHERE THE FUCK is HE?"Pete shouts"You know what don't answer just take me to him.....TAKE ME TO HIM NOW dad"He demanded when his dad made no attempt to move, he's in tears now.He wants his man he might be mad him for fooling around with him but he wants him he'll deal with that later.

His mom goes and hugs him"we're so sorry sweetheart.... we're sorry"his mom and Pete still couldn't get anything.

"What are you sorry about mom...where is.....oh god......oh no....I want to see him...where is he.........no...no.no"he's beginning to connect now.

"The house was on fire ,they said he got shot then fire broke out,one of our men saw him shot but shot the third party.....John died too Ae killed him......we couldn't find  or recognise his body amongst the bodies that were found...am sorry"his dad states.

"You don't mean that dad.... he'll never leave me....maybe he made .....oh god...
.not him...."He kept crying and talking to himself.He fell about and lost all of a sudden.

Then it's hit him, that's why he had the funny feeling,he still couldn't believe it.He fainted after crying a lot ,they also noticed that he was bleeding and a doc was called him.

"You need to take good care of him.... he's pregnant...four months...... he'll lose the baby if he doesn't take care of himself ."The doc says and leaves.

When he woke up he was sore and tired ,he felt exhausted.It has been hours now and he still couldn't talk to anyone .He has zoomed out.He had alot of thoughts in his mind.

Ae had pretended that he didn't know him,he allowed him use him and treat h as he wanted just because he loved the man,the said man had embarrassed him on several occasions and still he never stopped loving him.

The still doesn't see a reason to as why Ae would treat him the way he did he could have found another way to tamed him not treating him like a nobody,he is mad at Ae for  that .He wished could have treated him better from the start even though Ae had reciprocated his love the way he handled him from the start wasn't fair at all.

A week have past and still he no changes from him .His mind is still full of Ae.He has been waiting for to come home but no sighg of him.There is even no body to burry just aches and a ring that Ae used to wear.He hasn't seen his daughter for days.How will he manage without Ae with how kids .How will he start form scratch with his life.Where will he go,to whom shall he seek comfort.

Pete preferred when Ae was still there and could still fool him than now that they say that he's dead.How could he die,they had plans to get married,buy a house ,have sick kids and die old together not for Ae to go this soon without even a last word.He last saw him on the day of the war and that is all he remembers,Ae telling him he'll explain later.

He loved Ae and he still does and he can't see himself stop loving him.He loved him for long just to get over him.He misses him but what hurt most is that he will never get to see his smile ,laugh or face again.He won't feel his touch or enjoy a calm evening chit-chatting with him.What will he tell their kids about their dad's whereabouts.

Pete knows that he is lost without Ae,that guy gives him directions in life,he is his support,courage ,love , strength, weakness.With each thought is heart aches and his breath chokes him.He's hands become sweety and his body tense up.