The day after the meeting at Beyers

Sad life

,,Is he going to sit there all night?"asked Mike.
,,Yes."confirmed Max.
,,Why? Doesn't he has things to do? Or friends or hobbies?"asked Mike.
,,I don't know and I don't care."
,,But this interruptes our whole plan. How can we do anything when he's there?"complaid Dustin.
,,We should get rid of him."suggested Lucas.
,,But how? We can't just ask."stated Max.
,,Hey weirdos what are you starring at?"interrupted Steve them.
,,We are starring at Billy Hargrove."
,,What is he doing here?"asked Steve
,,nothing."mumbled Dustin.
,,Yet."added Mike.
..
Fuck.Why must Hawkins always be this cold?
In California had been at least often shone the warm sun on him, after a hitting from his father.
He had felt the warmth relaxing his muscles and easing the pain.
Here in Hawkins, he shuddered and hoped, he didn't was going to freeze to death.
Shuddering he closed his book.
Pathetic.
He could see his father's disgusted and disappointed face in his mind.
Sometimes his father seemed to be with him, in his mind even when he wasn't really there.
It happened more often these days.
Often he felt haunted from his father.
Even when he knew his father wouldn't catch him, he needed to convince himself of this fact, before he opened a book.
No man should like reading books like this.
His father would drag him through a second round of what Billy already received from his father, if he found out, about him reading.
His heart ached from the fear and startet to beat faster.
Slowly he pulled himself together, his father wouldn't find out.
A sneer formed itself on his face.
Some teenager fear that their parents will embarrass them.
Billy feard that his father found out that he liked to read books.
Again he shudderd.
But this time it wasn't because of the coold.
Slowly he closed his eyes and made himself remember.
Billy wasn't dumb, he wouldn't stay any longer than he had to in the house his father called home.
Not long and he would be free.
He laid the book on the car seat and turned around.
Did the little brats really thought he couldn't feel there stared?
Flinching they all vanished from the window as he winked at them.
He ignored the shame and guilt he instantly felt.
But it didn't helped much, it never did.
Every incident like this haunted him.
Made him feel like he was the same kind of guy like Neil.
Some times he looked in the mirror and thought, is this how a monster looks?
Because he believed in monsters,maybe not in monster like the ones in fairy tales.
But he believed that the Monster which called himself his father, was real.
With aching rips and thundering head he stood out of his car and waited.
And he was right.
He could here then argue and the the door swung wide open.
And then Steve left.
With die eyes and a still bruised face he walked towards him.
Billy respected that the guy still had the courage to do that.
After Billy beating him up he still came for him.
,,Nice to see ya."he greeted Steve.
,,I would say the same but I can't. What are you doing here?"
Steve sounded cold and distant, all business.
,,I wait for Max, till I drive her home.
,,You want to wait all night?"asked Steve.
He could hear the disbelief in his voice.
Smirking he looked at the other, hiding the shame under amusement. In such things he was nearly a professional. After so many years the lying and hiding came naturally.
Shrugging he nodded, like it wasn't a big deal.
Then the eyes of the other teen fixed a point behind him.
,,Are you reading Shakespeare?"
,,No."
The answer was weak even in Billy's own ears.
What a shitty night.
,,Sure. I bet Max reads Shakespeare."
,,I would never read Shakespeare."said Billy with his normal voice again.
He had gained a little control over himself again and used it to banish every trembling from his voice.
,,You know you can't deny it? It isn't that shameful. I bet it wouldn't ruin your image if the world knew you can read."
It was a close call, but Billy managed to fight the urge to hit the smirk from Steve's face away.
,,Just go and play babysitter for the little brats." Billy didn't yelled but he wasn't quite either.
But to his frustration Steve didn't showed any fear.
,,You know I don't fear you. You are an asshole. But I won't tell anybody that you read a book, if it is so important for you. Just go."
And Steve stepped closer.
His doe eyes had a determined look and his body language told Billy that Steve wouldn't back down.
,,I can't go."
It was a simple state of fact.
His father was still angry with him and Billy couldn't stand a second round.
And the guys who pretended to be his friends would ask awkward questions about the bruises on his face.
Plus there was just no way, he would let Max wander of again.
His rips still ached and he could feel all the bruises on his stomach.
,,Sure you can go. Your car stands right beside you. It's easy"
If Steve just knew.
It was never easy.
Not for him.
He pretended it was, but it was never.
There was always the fear what his father would make him pay for every action he did.
,,Yeah sure. I could drive off. But who will guarantee me that Max will still be here when I have to pick her up?"
,,Do what you want Hargrove for all I care you can freeze to death."
Then the former King of Hawkins spun around and headed back to the house.
To the warmth.
Suddenly Billy could feel the loss of what he only so shortly experience.
Inside the house was warmth, laughing and happiness.
He himself stood outside banished from such things.
For him there was only coldness and pain.
But no one said life is fair.
...
 
Slowly he sat again in the car and began reading once again.
The book was good, at least something he could look forward to.
But he still felt frozen and cursed his father for that.
This were the only times he stood up against his father now, when his father couldn't hear him.
He waited until it was time to pick up Max, before he stretched his legs and opened the car door.
But to his surprise Max already walked towards him.
,,You're early."
,,Seriously Billy. I'm doing you a favour and you still get on my nerves?"
Her eyes looked at him fiercely and furiously.
,,Jesus. Calm down. Thanks for coming early."
She looked even more far from calm then before.
Christ somebody should explain teenagers to him, because he didn't understood them and he had the feeling he never would.
,,Whatever drive."
Eyes rolling Billy left the parking space and drove.
They didn't spoke a word until they were at home.
It wasn't a awkward silence,it was more kind of hateful and annoyed silence.
His father already awaited them.
,,Where were you? You should be home at eight not at nine!"
His father sounded outraged.
Billy hated this.
He always did his best to follow every rule or at least he tried like hell to.
But sometimes like now his father just changed the rules without telling.
It was always like this his father made the rules and made sure that it was impossible to follow them.
Often some rules were impossible to follow at the same time.
Some rules couldn't be followed at all, because Billy had no control about certain events.
He hated that, hated how his father tried to make him somethingh he wasn't eith these stupid rules.
In the end he always broke one or two rules and this meant punishment.
Often hits and kicks and when it was worse it meant the belt.
He could feel his back throbbing with pain.
Still he could feel the blood that drained on the wounds.
,,I'm sorry Sorry. I didn't knew..."
,,You are sorry! How nice of you! Go upstairs Maxine your brother and I will discuss this properly."
Billy could smell the alcohol in his fathers breath.
It wasn't a good sign it never was.
Billy clenched his hands to fists in fear and didn't deared to look at Max.
If she looked at him like he deserved it he knew he would agree with her.
Sometimes he even thought that he must have done something to explain, why this was happening to him. But still he would never be able to bear to see to look into her eyes and see that she was glad. So he didn't.
She slipped away and didn't looked back.
It wasn't her fault he knew, because she didn't even knew what his father did.
That was something he and his father could agree on, Max should never knew.
His father didn't wanted her to know because Max was a fighter.
She wouldn't just look the other way like her mother.
She was stronger she would actally do something.
And Billy didn't wanted her to know, because if she was around there wouldn't be so much punishment.
She was a safe spot for him and he couldn't bear the thougt that his father maybe would hit her some day too.
No way he could ever live, feeling responsible for somebody to have life trough what he had to.
His father looked at him.
His eyes were unforgiving and angry, like always.
Billy knew this look he grew up with it after all.
Without hesitation his father pushed him against the wall.
,,Why are you so stupid?"
It was rhetorically question and Billy didn't answered.
He didn't wanted to spoil the end, he had no desire to do so.
Long ago he learned that a smart answer or any answer would ger him more hits.
It had been a long way, but now he kept his mouth shut and it sometimes helped.
Not often trough.
His father slammed him again hard against the wall.
,,I thought I finally got the faggot out of you but it seems like I have to try again."
Suddenly cold fear settled in Billy, the last time his father said it he ended in the hospital and the had to perform major surgery.
If his father would even suspect that he was really gay, Billy refused to call himself a faggot, he would kill him.
All his father had were suspicions and no proof.
For now at least.
,,I'm not gay."
He answered calm, even though he hated to lie.
Often he imagined how it would be to tell his father that he was gay and then leave for California.
But this was a dangerous dream and Billy made to sure that he didn't dreamed often of it.
Even trough it would be amazing to do that.
To life finally the life he wanted to life.
,,Because I made sure of it and I will made sure of it again."
,,Max could hear it."
,,She could so please try to scream silently."
It was a careless comment, that let Billy's immediatly feel cold again.
How angry must his father be, to not care?
And then there was only a confused mess in his memory.
Pain, agony and anger were emotions he could recall.
There was also fear and shame for not fighting back at his father.
And most of all pain and blood.
He could remember that he didn't made a sound to afraid that Max would hear it and see it.
Pride was what kept him from screaming for help.
Shame made him quite.
Fear let him not fight back.
Agony refused to let him flee.
Anger made him helpless.
In the end Billy was a mess.
He didn't even knew when his father was done with him.
All that surrounded him was pain and blackness.
Blood formed a small puddle and wasn't sure if there was any skin left at his back.
It took hours before he gained consciousness again.
When he did he was surprised that nobody stumbled across him, because he was lying sprawled out on the floor.
Then he realised it must be only early morning.
Hot angry pain set his skin on fire when he tried to move, there was no way he could stand up like this.
But he couldn't stay here either because Neil could comeback.
Billy considered his options.
Then he began to crawl.
Inch by Inch he crawled to the stairs.
Only pure stubbornness got him up the stairs.
Every movement let his muscles and skin scream.
His only relief was that he didn't had to move his back much.
When he finally reached his bed he let out a small realised sigh and laid down.
....
He never was a good sleeper.
Sleep never came easely and when it came he had dreams he sometimes remembered, even when he wished he did not.
Falling asleep was often difficult and staying asleep too.
With Neil as a father his body always felt the need to be alert to react to every possible danger.
The sunshine woke him.
Everything hurt and he felt like throwing up.
But there wasn't anything in his stomach and he only cought dryly.
,,Billy drive your sister to school."
He hated his father with his whole heart.
 
All day he couldn't be sit still and quite, he felt the urge to move and act.
Plus his father made sure that every chair felt like a punishment.
Hell sitting hurt, standing too, but not so much and that was something.
His teachers complained and wanted him to pay attention.
Some came again with the shit of, you have good grades you don't have to pull such shit.
They talked about scholarships and he ignored them all.
They could all go to hell, fir all he cared.
 
One day he would be out of Hawkins that was all that mattered.
 
Now he waited for Max.
,,Shitbird hurry up!"
,,Cut it out, Billy."she warned him.
,,Just get in the car and then let's go."
,,No, I'm tired of your shit. Just because your father can't stand you that doesn't mean you can let it out on me."
And damn Max looked ready to argue with him and he knew she had a point.
,,Sit in the car. We will talk on the drive at home."
,,Okay but we will talk."
And she was right the talk was coming up a while now.
Since the incident at Byers he had waited for this talk.
Slowly he pulled out of the parking slot and the speeded up.
,,Maybe I don't have the right to treat you like shit, but you neither shitbird."
,,What have I ever done to you?"
,,Funny Max, that you ask. You run away, you are late. And he blames me. Me!" Now he was yelling. The anger burned inside him hot and angry and he had a hard time to control it.
Sometimes he felt like there was a monster inside him, just waiting to get unleashed.
Sometimes he felt like there was no monster in him, that it was just him who was a monster.
,,It isn't your problem what I do and what I don't do."
,,Oh no. It is my damn fucking problem shitbird, because I'm responsible. I'm in charge."
,,Damn you Billy. I don't need at babysitter."
,,I know! But Neil makes me responsible for you."
,,Still that doesn't give you the right to treat me like this."
,,It does you told him about James. You damn fucking told him!"
,,What is so wrong with that? You James are friends and?"she asked furious.
,,Max I and James are friends. And James..."suddenly Billy's voice break down to a wispher.
,,Max. James is black."the words came out a horse and faint whisper.
,,There is nothing wrong with that!"
,,I know but Neil doesn't."
Then there was only silence.
The stepsiblings didn't cared to say anything until they were it home.
Were they without any words to one a another they got to their rooms.
....
 
Billy just dropped at his bed.
Still everything hurt and he could scream out in frustration.
His father never let bruises at his face unless he could make sure nobody saw them or he had a good excuse.
Dumb Max.
Did she really thought she and the Sinclair kid could have a happy end?