And I...: A MarkiplierxReader ✔

Chapter 29: *Someday*

I felt my heart skip several beats as I walked through the auditorium doors. Everyone's eyes, peering up at me as I made my entrance was beyond uncomfortable, to say the least. I didn't see Ms.Umbride, so I took a seat among the other first year students quietly, in hopes she wouldn't even notice I was late. As if I spoke to quickly, the side door opened, and both Ms. Umbridge and Brooklynn entered the room. 

The fact that they were together speaking in private got me a little bit concerned, I knew I had all rigtht to be when I watched Brooke leave her side, and Ms. Umbridge and I made eye contact. Her stare felt cold. She tilted her head sideways, and gestured me towards the same door she came in from. I was trying to convince myself she only wanted to speak to me because I was late but my suspicions were only confirmed when I passed Brooke along the way and she wouldn't wouldn't lift her eyes off he floor. As I passed Brooke, she gently reached out to grab my hand- only for a moment and whispered the words "I'm sorry." 

"McBride, do a sound check on all mics would ya" she yelled out to a fellow student before closing the side door behind us. As I stepped out into the hall, the hallway was filled with an unsettling stillness until she finally spoke up. "What's up kid. Why are you late, out of all days to be late you're late to rehearsal. Why? You best have a good explanation." I didn't know exactly what Brookelynn told her, so I remained quiet in hopes she may give me some sort of small hint as to what she knows. I remained silent, trying my best not to have another meltdown but, I was never good with confrontation. "Nerves I guess.  I had a rough nights sleep and woke up super late and when I woke up, I just wasn't feeling like myself."

She just smirked and let out a breathy chuckle, while she rest her hand on my shoulder. "Well, you know Brookelynn had different to say. I was hoping you would tell my yourself. I know it's none of my business what's going on, I just want to make sure you're going to be alright. Now, she told me you asked her not to say anything but in her defence, as your friend she's only concerned for you and as one of my students I only have your safety and best interest at heart. My door is always open if you ever need an ear to listen to you, I'd like to think you know that by now."

She was right though. I know Brookelynn only went to her out of concern but, I didn't know how to tell her it's about a stupid boy! I couldn't find the words to tell her I had enough bullshit in my life and this one little thing is almost ready to send me over the edge. 'I'm already in a pit of misery, could hell possibly be any worse?' We stood in silence for a moment while I allowed her thoughtful words to sink in. I squinted my eyes tight and could literally feel my cheeks turning every shade of red possible while they heated up. I slid myself down the wall into a sitting position, and buried my face into my knees while I sobbed. Feeling her warm hand patting my back, thinking about her carefully chosen, meaningful words reminded me even though I feel alone in this darkness, I'm not. 

"I can't go out there tonight. I can't go out there and sing Take a Bow. Rihanna makes it sound as if she's bitter towards her cheating lover. At first I felt like this was the perfect song but I can't sing with passion if I can't connect to the song, and I can't connect to this. Sure the message is the same, but I'm not bitter towards him. I'm grateful to have had him at all, and I still love him. I didn't wanna fall in love. However, I did and now I know, it's time to let go." 

"You're not the first to feel this way, and certainly not the last. In times like this I'd ask my students the same thing. What's in your heart?'  I looked up at her and whipped my tears away, really questioning that myself. "He is and probably always will be."--" If you could tell him anything, what would it be?" 
I thought about this question long and heart. There were so many things I wish I could tell him, but I was having a hard time trying to figure out what I would want him to know, until I found the exact set of words I was looking for. 

I stood up, and whipped the dust from the floor off of my pants. "Although I love him, I can't help holding on. I need to let go, and maybe tonight is the first step to doing that. I deserve better.Maybe I should sing about how I'm feeling, not about what happened. Is it to late to change my song choice?"  Ms. Umbridge shook her head with a light, warmhearted smile, grasped ahold of the door handle, and held the door open for me. "Let's get you in sound check, show starts in an hour." 
End POV