BTS Oneshots

Thank You - Jin

TW // death, suicide

It feels like Seokjin has seen this before. From a different perspective of course. Back then he was so young, no older than sixteen years old, walking around admiring the indescribably tall buildings in Seoul. Back then a young girl stood at the roof of one of the buildings, counting seconds until she would jump. The people walking on the street below her had no idea what she planned until her body hit the unforgiving asphalt, bloodied, bruised, and clearly lifeless. Seokjin stood about a meter to her right and a little bit of her blood had stained his shoe.

Now it's his turn to stand at the roof of a building with the people on the streets below him clueless to what he planned until his body will hit the unforgiving asphalt, bloodied, bruised, and lifeless. maybe another person will be standing a meter to his right, maybe his blood will stain their shoe as hers did years ago.

Sixteen years old Seokjin didn't understand why the girl, Seo Ji Eun was her name, if the next day's newspapers are reliable sources, had chosen to commit suicide. And by jumping as well. He remembers thinking, didn't it hurt? Seokjin knows now. Of course, dying hurts. But if breathing hurts, if simply existing hurts, isn't the short-lived pain of dying more bearable? After his body lands, he will lose his consciousness, the pain will stop in seconds, and after that? Peace. Unless, of course, if God, Heaven, and Hell are real, in which case he will spend an eternity suffering to pay for his sins. Nobody knows what happens after you die, what will he lose by finding out?

The wind softly caresses his cheeks and soft brown hair. It's not his time yet. He's barely thirty two, there are still lots of things he can try. Being born is perhaps not a choice but staying alive is, and Seokjin chose no. Tears draw tracks on his handsome face but despite that, his mouth curves into a smile. A genuine smile. A smile he had found himself showing less and less these past few years. He will be free in a minute. His hands shake, but he manages to find the strength to type his last message to the Bangtan group chat. "Thank you." Two short words that will most likely only make the members worry, but there are not enough words in any dictionary of every language that will be enough to describe how much his brothers truly mean to him, so a "thank you" will have to suffice for now. They will no doubt find his phone and listen to the audio he recorded earlier anyways. Send.

And Seokjin jumps. The wind hits his falling body. He wouldn't lie in his last moments, he is scared. But along with the fear, he also feels... at peace. The peace he hadn't felt ever since he became a trainee, since he chose to let people say what they want to his face without making an effort to know or understand him. Do they think he isn't aware of all his faults and mistakes? he has never considered himself special. The nickname "Worldwide Handsome" he loves to boast about is no more than a joke to him, something to help ease the tension and calm down whoever is talking or will talk next. That's it.

His body hits asphalt and for a moment, pain is all he can feel. But then everything turns black and he can feel himself slipping out of consciousness, the screams of people around where he lays unheard. With a last, shuddering breath, Kim Seokjin fell into an eternal sleep. His face looks calm as if he's merely sleeping. If you close your eyes maybe you can imagine he's laying on his bed instead of in a pool of his own blood. In six different parts of the city, six cellphones owned by six men rings at the same time, the screens showing the last thing their member and older brother sent, only consisted of two simple words; "thank you".