I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me right now. I have adhd right? I took my fucking meds didn't I? I remember taking them. Then again my memory is shit, what if I'm just filling in the holes!? Than it would make sense why I was acting like- why I Felt Like a fucking DITTZO. But what If I really did take it- if I remembered right?! why didn't it fucking work!!
Why isn't the fucking ear drops and antibiotics working!! Did I FORGET to take them- like a DITTZ? No I took them- I did it in front of the camera- the video is right there on my phone?! SO THAN WHY CANT I HEAR SHIT PEOPLE ARE SAYING TO ME FROM 5 FEET AWAY???? Is it because of my auditory processing disorder???- My APD???- IT'S part of my adhd right- if my adhd is getting worse than the apd would get worse with it right? NO!, or Maybe!?, maybe that's a part of it?- but I can barely hear their voices even when I strain desperately towards them- that's not part of apd!?! AM I GOING DEF- I THINK I AM- I'M SCARED THAT I AM- what kind of fucking torture is this?
Why is my vision getting so much worse so fast? I stopped reading in the dark, I stopped doing all the shit I was told would fuck up my eyesight. AND YET, Its Getting Worse Faster Than Ever Before. I could see stars and leaves and cool little rocks on the ground by my feet- just a few years ago...- and now- I can hardly see a ONE of those things even with my glasses on!?
I just want keep the dittzy part of me locked up. I just want to be able to hear my alarm in the morning and for it to wake me up. I just want to see the God Damn STARS and STONES by my own feet!? Is that really so much to ask?
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not going to lie, that felt good to put out there, hurts like hell too, cause like, Its all right here in front of me, but now I know in full how I feel about my shit in this rant and why its hitting me all at once.
I suppose the rant could count as a diary entry sort of thing so I'll have to add that to the hash-tags, but I also want to ask a question to anybody who reads this-
what are some things in your life or about you that you don't understand. or that somehow you do understand but just can't fully wrap your head around, that don't make sense, that you cant accept easily or at all? and why do you think that may be, why is it SO HARD? why do you care so much? or if you simply don't know how to put that into words than how does it make you feel?
YOU ARE READING
I really don't know yet
RandomI'm probably just going to post random shit on here, like random thoughts, memories that cross my mind, or questions that I feel like asking. Maybe even some combination of those things. if I'm asking a question than I'll probably be editing often t...
