Where Do We Go From Here?

Face Down

“Are you okay?” Jeremy sounded really worried but I could care less about him. All thoughts are settled on her. It’s been days since the incident, I haven’t talked to anybody, haven’t eaten, slept regularly and I have skipped school. It’s like I’m back to my old self since the day she left. Everything is being the way it was ever since I met her.

He was sat in beside me on the hood of his car. We were at the cliff where she first brought us, when we first met and made it clear that we would be friends forever. We always came here ever since. It was on the outskirts of town, it was kept hidden by the huge branches of the trees and bushes that had barb wires around it. Her knowing this place was a mystery. After a few weeks of renovation we fixed up the place. We carried and threw away the huge rocks that were piled up on the far left corner of the sanctuary (she called it that) and when we come back the next day, it became a river. It was pretty odd. Neither of us knew how it happened but we were glad that it did. It was beautiful.

“Obviously not,” I said between gritted teeth. I also can’t control my anger now, I know Jeremy doesn’t deserve this but I just can’t help it. Why is faith being such a dick to me? I haven’t done anything that I should regret. I puffed another doing a bridge with the smoke, playing with it helps me relax a little.

“I see that you’re back to smoking. You’ll upset Jamie again if she founds out you know,” he said, shaking his head.

“What she doesn’t know won’t kill her,” I quoted.

He sighed and let it go. We continued to watch the city as the sun went down and the city lights turned into dusks of the night. The silence surrounded us on the way back home, it wasn’t awkward, and it wasn’t uncomfortable. That’s one of the good things about Jeremy; he knows when to shush his yap. I stared out the window of his car, not meeting Jeremy’s gaze. He was a slow driver, a kid who’s afraid of breaking the rules. He was always the goody-two-shoes in the bunch. When we were kids, we would always leave him behind because he was slowing us down with the ‘adventure’.

A little smile appeared on my face as I reminiscence the time when Jeremy proposed to her and thought that I would hit him for asking her first. It was child’s play, nothing serious. We were ten then. He gave her a gem ring he won on a pinball game at the bowling center. She declined his proposal and left him at the park where they were to meet, saying that she was waiting for someone else. Poor little Jeremy, he cried his eyes out that night and didn’t speak to her until the moment she bid us her goodbye’s.

“Sterling, we’re here.” Jeremy said quietly, I didn’t realize that the car stopped and we were at my house. He chuckled when he saw my confused expression. “That must be some thought, huh?”

“I just remembered the time you asked her to marry you,” he frowned, the memory instantly coming back to him. He blushed a little and shook his head.

“What about it?” he asked.

“It was the worst memory I had of us.”

“Why?” I was debating whether or not to answer his question because it was quite obvious.  A couple of minutes ticked by before I finally said something.

“I never got the chance to tell her how I feel.” I muttered in silence.

“At least you weren’t rejected,” he grumbled bitterly.

“But it was the biggest shit I regret my entire life.” I told him as I got out of the car.

--

I crashed on the bed after a tiring day of doing nothing. I felt ridiculously knackered. I shut my eyes, wondering if sleep would take over me. But with life being fair, it didn’t. Damn. I’m so tired; I haven’t slept for 4 days straight! I stood up and walked into the loo, turning the lights on in the process. I stared wide-eyed at the man who stared back at me. His lips were pressed together in a straight line, his green eyes were wide awake but exhaustion was in them, the dark circles under them was a give-away that he wasn’t sleeping and the messy jet black hair was all over the place, a sign that he hasn’t got time for himself.