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Part III

"Time does't heal anything. 

It just teaches to live how to live with pain."

***

It affected me more than I believed it to.

It wasn't exactly the concept of Finn fighting, it was the words he'd been told.

Poor. 

No one needed to hear that. Shit, Finn didn't need that. 

I'd expected this to happen. Somehow. Somehow, I'd expected a day when the complexes would reach him.

I felt like I had failed. More than the words, it felt as if I'd failed. Because, in a way, those words were not wrong. We were poor. I couldn't give Finn the things he wanted, the things he deserved to have. The things everyone else had. 

What made things worse was the fact that Finn never asked. Never.

It hadn't escaped me when he sneaked glances at the new cycles they had these days, when he checked the price of a poster and then kept it back. 

And god, it hurt when he did that. Because even though the poster was affordable, the cycle wasn't.

I didn't realize when I'd reached Rogers', didn't realize as I inched closer to a point where I knew they could see me if they looked. I watched from a distance as I saw him dealing out the cards to his poker buddies. A surge of anger went down my body as I turned around, walking away from there.

Hot, angry tears gradually built up in my eyes and I clenched my fists as I willed them to go away. I didn't want tears, I'd had enough of them. What made me impossibly mad was the fact that the shit that had happened to me, the shit that had happened to Finn, it was still affecting our fucking lives.

And I hated myself for it. I hated them for it.

If only they hadn't died, if only they had been a bit more responsible, fuck that, if only they would kept in mind that they had a teenage daughter at home!

I slipped out of my trance as I heard the sounds of leaves breaking and snapped out of my daze. Somehow or the other, I had made my way into the forest, no idea how. That was the second time today, and though I knew the part of the woods I was in, Mr. Wood's and Rogers' words combined still had me on edge.

I just couldn't get myself to care.

So I walked on, my anger building up each step I took, instead of dissipating. I couldn't face Finn like this, I'd throw all my anger at him, and that wasn't fair. He didn't deserve it.

My fists clenched and unclenched as I walked on, unaware I was walking into parts I wasn't familiar with, my feet taking me where they willed.

The trees got thicker as I walked, and I felt a twinge of panic in my throat as I realized I had no utter idea where I was.

But I kept on walking, because the woods had to thin out somewhere, right?

Provided I didn't get mauled by wolves before that.

I stepped onto a nest of dry leaves, the sound of crackling panicking me to an extent where I almost jumped in alarm, my pace quickening.

 I just wanted to get out of here.

It wasn't long before the trees thinned out, and I started running, hoping I'd get to the other side. Clearly, there was no other side and I stopped in my tracks as I reached a clearing.