Scars To Your Beautiful

Chapter 19

A cold shiver runs down Violet's spine as soon as she sees the first people coming out of the big church and realizing that the ceremony is over, she takes a deep breath trying to prepare herself for what's about to come. She takes a step back wanting to get mixed with those who are close to her on the sidewalk and hopes it's enough for Jay not to spot her since she didn't want to distract him. She hadn't informed him about her decision to attend the ceremony, even from outside the church, and she didn't want him to find it out suddenly by seeing her before it was all over. 

She sighs once again, trying to ignore the different feeling offered by her current clothes as she wraps her arms around her body, and then begins to look around her. Most people are dressed in black with sad expressions on their faces, fitting with the occasion, and the fact that they don't cry makes her understand who actually knew Alvin Olinsky and who like her just wanted to honor the detective who died too soon. Besides, if they did know him, they'd probably be in the church from the beginning, and not next to her on the sidewalk. Another look around her makes her snort furiously as soon as she spots some journalists on the opposite sidewalk from some local channels with their cameras, and quickly looks away, indignant that even at a time like this they are trying to make a reportage. 

What confuses her, however, is the man who also stands across the street, but away from everyone. He stands behind the rubble of a building trying not to be noticed while keeping his gaze pinned towards the church. Like all the police officers in the area, he wears his formal uniform, with his badge covered with a black mourning band, and despite the faded bruises on his face, Violet manages to identify him without difficulty. She frowns confused to see the same Sergeant from Jay's photos now standing alone and becomes increasingly confused as she recalls how the detective had revealed on the phone that Alvin's wife asked them to be the pallbearers.

Before she can look at him better, however, all the police officers move slowly but at the same time raising their right hands to their heads starting to salute, drawing her attention. Removing her gaze from the lonely Sergeant, she feels her chest tighten as she watches the priest walk through the large wooden door. Turning completely towards where everyone looks she notices how carefully he descends the stairs with a man playing bagpipes following him and tightens her grip around her body. 

But what stops her from breathing and makes her throat dry is the fact that Adam and Kevin appear in her field of view. The two men are the first to get out of the church holding, each on one side, Alvin's coffin that is covered with the Chicago flag. They set the pace for the others with Kevin informing them of the steps, and the rest of the team follows him with steady steps. Hailey and Kim are in the middle as the only women in Intelligence, while behind them are Antonio and Jay. While behind everyone, walking just as slowly is Sergeant Platt holding the police flag in her hands. And although Violet wants to observe them all, her gaze immediately returns to Jay and remains pinned to him throughout. 

Like everyone else, he wears his formal blue uniform, and Violet can't help but compare in her mind what he looks like now to what he looked like when she saw him in his photos in his military uniform. And despite the conditions under which, her heart manages to skip a beat because of how handsome he looks. His expression is serious, his characteristics are without emotion and his eyes to her great displeasure, are hidden from the hat that accompanies his uniform. Yet even from that distance and the way Jay doesn't show what he's feeling, she manages to feel his pain. She had felt it when he cried in her arms, and she still feels it as he sees his tensed shoulders and clenched jaw, and she's sure that if he wasn't wearing gloves she could see his white knuckles because of his strong grip. And while she wants to run towards him and reassure him that everything is going to be okay, as she had done two days ago and as he had already done many times for her, she manages to stand still, watching them raise their hands and salute their friend as the coffin is now in the hearse.