𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐒𝐈𝐍 | 18+

22: 𝐓𝐫𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠

Except frequent updates for this book, I'm try to finish it faster so when Bittersweet comes out, I'll be able to keep up :)
But enjoy the early update!!!

In Arizona Two Days Before

"How are you today...Now, with everything that's happened. Are you happy?" My therapist, Ms. Rosalina asked studying my demeanor carefully with her hazel-green eyes.

I fidgeted with the glamorous ring that adorned my ring finger. I didn't entirely know how I felt. Every time I came here, she made me revisit five years ago, she pried at my haunting past. "I-I think I'm okay," I sighed heavily and moved my long hair out my face. "There are moments...where I'm happy with him. And I see a future with him and our children. But, I still have these pains in my chest because I still think about them."

I knew I was full-on crying. But I didn't stop it. I just let it happen because this was routine.

"A-And I-I feel so bad b-because I-I didn't contact t-them or t-try to see them. I f-feel bad b-because Esme doesn't have a m-mom and I was s-supposed to b-be for her." Yep pain in my chest grew from the insane account of guilt. Because I'm a shitty person.

"Adaline, Calm down. Talk deep breaths, okay? Your alright, You're okay." She sat there with me for five minutes helping me catch my breath. My heart stopped beating — pounding in my chest but the ache never went away. "You feel guilty? Why do you? I want to know the deeper meaning behind your deep-seated guilt."

I wiped at my eyes, quickly ridding them of tears so my fiancee wouldn't ask — but he would. "They did so much for me. They took me into their home and made me family — but they left. Even though they tried to call me, I couldn't pick up," My phone screen lit to reveal a silly picture of Esme when she was four. My tears welled my eyes again. "I missed five of her birthdays. F-For college. For fucking college when that little girl deserved the world."

She scribbled her notes away, taking a quick break to adjust her glasses before continuing to write. "And you couldn't pick up why?"

I shook my head and concealed my face away with my hands. "Because...I'm engaged now. I'm scared to go back to loving him when I'm with Chase now. I-I can't do that to him. He's given me so much."

She nodded. "It seems that you're having a lot of self-guilt. You're the type of person who takes selflessness to the extreme, you don't think twice about yourself and you only focus on how others feel. You feel like you owe everyone, in this case — Chase; A chance, and Lorenzo; An explanation. You are trying to satisfy both people in a way that's breaking you mentally."

I didn't know what to say other than she's right. I did feel guilty. I felt terrible for everything that was happening around me and my mental state was really unstable even though I kept myself composed on the outside. My mind was at war. "I-I guess. I don't know what to do." I sighed.

She nodded curtly and tipped her glasses off her face. Her hand was armed with the pen which was writing fiercely on the paper of her clipboard. "How has your anxiety been? Have you been taking your medication?"

I nodded shyly moving my straightened hair behind my ears. "I have."

"Good. Anything new with you and your fiancee."

I bit my lip, hesitating on spilling. I didn't like to talk about my fucked love life, even if I was supposed to. It didn't feel right, something was missing. "Chase...He's been talking about building a family after we settle in Maimi. He wants kids."

After five long years of being with Chase, he proposed to me and that night I let him take my virginity. And now that we're familiar with sex — he wants to start trying for babies. He's in love with me being pregnant before our wedding. He wants three kids.