Forty Winks | K. Shirabu

┗ 𝘚𝘐𝘟𝘛𝘏 𝘞𝘐𝘕𝘒

━━━━━━━━

𝘚𝘐𝘟𝘛𝘏 𝘞𝘐𝘕𝘒:

— you walk faster than i do.

━━━━━━━━

If you truly love someone, you'll never leave them despite having millions of reasons to give up.

She found that statement hilarious in every aspect.

She wished that she spent her morning coffee with him, lulling the tune of teardrops from the sky. She wished that she danced through thunders and lightening with him, drowning their worries with the comfort of home. She wished that she read a book with him, rereading the chapters that they favored. She wished that she drove along the streets with him, listening to music that tugs the hearts of hopeless romantics.

She wished to do everything with him and still ended things with him.

"Are you going to confess your undying love for me back then, as well?"

Yui decided to pierce the silence befalling the two of them as they walked through the corridors of the prestigious school. She meant it as a light-hearted joke just to initiate a conversation with the male. Mimicking his expressionless visage, they passed by a few students who looked at them dismissively. She kept a firm look straight ahead, knowing that he won't bother looking back at the moment.

Pursing her lips, Yui didn't feel like closing the gap between their steps.

"Scarcely."

"If it's about last night," she bit the inside of her cheek, "That's truly how I felt. It's not the same right now anymore, so you can leave it be."

His steps did not falter; its echoes evident at each contact with the tiled floor.

Yui felt a bit nostalgic. She had long surpassed looking at his back when they walk. She was able to reach the distance and walk beside him. The tinge of unexplainable emotion clawing at her heart when she realized that she was back to where she started made her want to laugh.

If she could compare it to anything, everything seemed like a game over and she had to restart in level one.

That is, if she bothers playing the game again.

It gets tiresome the longer you play it after all.

"What do you plan to do about it?"

"About what?" Yui questioned, failing to comprehend what Shirabu said because she was lost in her thoughts. She briefly raised her eyebrow, and quickened her pace - not enough to reach beside him, but enough to take a look at his side profile.

"Your goals."

Her gaze traveled to the link bracelet she wore; one that she got from her father for her birthday. Its rose gold color provided reassurance everytime she was in doubt and this day was no exception.

"I told you it's not the same anymore."

It was a split second, but she was certain he glanced at her when she was preoccupied with the jewelry dangling on her wrist.

"No, I'm talking about the drama club."

Really?

"Oh," she was able to mutter, raising her wrist to get a better view of the bracelet's shine when it basks under the light. It didn't have any distinctive feature; it was simple and yet she found it remarkably daring. "I don't know. Remember what I said earlier. It's hard to understand things halfway through. I feel like it's the same thing with quitting halfway through, if you know what I mean."

"You're a coward."

She snapped her head towards him, who still walked as though his words weren't anything out of the ordinary. With brows furrowed, she fixed an intense gaze on him, "Excuse me? You went through all that trouble to help just to say that?"

"You're being a coward."

His face remained passive and it only irked her even more.

"I heard you the first time!"

"Then get it in your nonexistent brain."

"If you chose a different term, I probably would." she huffed, losing the will to fight back, "What are you trying to imply?"

He paused, finding the words that could make his thoughts more direct. "Quitting halfway through isn't as bad as you think."

"Are you kicking me out?"

"Precisely."

"Cut it, Kenjirou." Yui rolled her eyes - the bracelet in her possession moved to the back of her mind. She rubbed her forehead - in keen exaggeration of her exasperation, "You won't change my mind."

Shirabu did not even think of his next words when he heard her opposition.

"You're being stupid again."

"That's too much insult for one day. Please stop hurting my feelings." Her blank expression proposed otherwise; sarcasm dripping in the sound falling from her lips, "Besides, you just told me to live my life the way I want to. I'll think about it next year."

It was true. Even if it's not the best choice for me, I know.

She's already in her 2nd-year; changing to another club next year is proven to be difficult for her to adjust with the members and work well with them. Relationships don't bloom over weeks; it takes time after all.

One can say that she has a whole lifetime ahead of her to pursue what she wants, but then her goals were more than just desires at this point. It was becoming more of a necessity; she'd fail to move on if she doesn't get it. He was aware of that persuasive feeling and how it keeps her awake at night.

Nevertheless, he also shouldn't intrude in a life that's not his. He knew that he had no rights to dictate her choices. He had his own problems to deal with; keeping her in check shouldn't be included in those.

With that, he let her go.

For the second time and for the same reason; and certainly the last.

"Suit yourself."

It was cold and unperturbed - like the tone he used the first time he talked to her. It reminded her of yesterday night; how the arctic temperature clinged upon her skin and threatened to indulge her soul. It reminded her of the cloud's downpour and the way they leave marks of their tears on the ground. It reminded her of how they once were; and how they'll be again.

A faint smile tainted her features.

You were still trying, weren't you, Kenjirou?

But, she already gave up.

"Sorry."

Her mind was crystal clear. It was up to how he'll perceive her apology; for being idiotic and recklessly choosing anything, or for rejecting his attempt at bringing back the love they lost.

Two individuals hopelessly dreaming with almosts and maybes; perhaps that is all they're meant to be.

"Is that all?" She spoke, slowing her pace.

"What more do you want to hear?"

"Your undying love confession."

Yui joked in hopes of trying to lighten up the situation, or herself, whichever it may be.

Though, she was sure, her intention did not reach him at all when his voice contained enough bitterness to keep her in place.

"Keep dreaming."

Yui swallowed a lump forming at the back of her throat and turned the corners of her lips upwards.

She didn't care if it looked unnatural anymore.

He wasn't going to look back from now on.

"I will."

Sometimes, you have to leave love for yourself.