I Can't Go Back To The Way It Used To Be

13

"Alana?"

His voice still gives me chills.

"Yes Jacob it's me." I answered standing up dusting my butt off.

"You look like Mon-" He cut himself off before he actual realized who 'Kayla' was.

"W-What are you doing here?"

I couldn't even answer him because I was still hurt and it was extremely hard talking to him. I went around him and walked out the shop until he followed me and grabbed my arm.

"Alana..I'm so sorry." He stated genuinely. I looked at him as my eyes started to well up. I bit my lip trying to prevent myself from letting the tears slip..but they sadly did.

"Why? That's all I wanna know Jacob. I did nothing wrong for you to do this to me!"

"I had to get my priorities straight Lana! I have a son!" He exclaimed.

"You could've told me Jake! You broke your promise! You were all I had..but you decided to just leave..Your son needs a man as his father! Not a little boy" I stated stepping into him face.

He looked away and it seemed as if he was about to cry.

"I'm sorry Alana. I didn't mean to hurt you! I didn't want to seem like a player. I didn't know how to tell you! I had to leave because it was 2 days before she gave birth. I couldn't bare growing up knowing that I missed my son's birth! A man would try and see that! A boy would wait until the baby is older to come in his life! So don't call me a boy Alana!"

I walked away then turned back around to him.

"You could've told me! I would've been by your side like a woman! We were a team Jacob! A team! We could've did this together. But you wanted to be a 'man' huh, Jacob?" I stated laughing.

I looked down and released a few tears. "...Don't make promises you can't keep Jay." I walked away ignoring him as he called my name several times. I went in the car and gripped the steering wheel, I got more upset thinking about everything and I started punched it numerous times crying my eyes out.

~

I drove to the house and walked into my room. I laid my bag on my couch and knocked on Devon's door.

He opened it with a smile that quickly turned into a frown."Alana..what's wrong?" He asked. I handed him his sneakers and walked back to my room shutting the door. I ferociously threw my clothes around the room. I plopped on my bed just to get back up when there was knock on my door.

"Who is it?"

"It's me Alana" I sighed opening the door being face to face with Jacob.

"Jacob what are you doing in my house?" I ask folding my arms.

"We gotta speak..in private" He stated allowing himself into my room.

"What is there to talk about?" I asked sitting next to him on my couch.

"About us..."

"What us? You clearly don't want there to be an us if you left me dumbfounded at home."

"Alana..."

"What Jacob?! You left me! I called you so many times hoping that this was a joke...but you actually moved out of state! State Jacob! All you could've done was tell me! Is that so hard? I wouldn't have judged you, broke up with you, or brung you down!" I said standing up.

"I know that's why I'm apologizing! I didn't come here for nothing!" He said standing up walking up too me.

"That's why you said you loved me before you left that day. That's why when we kissed and they said you act like we won't see each other again, you didn't laugh..you left that day?!" I asked.

"Yes..." He said scratching his neck. I lightly chuckled. I looked back at him and slapped him.

"After all we've been through." I stated with tears welling in my eyes.

"Alana, please don't cry." He said trying to hug me.

"I'm hurt Jacob." I said crying. He grabbed me trying to force me into the hug. I squirmed and kicked, but I stopped and let him embrace me. I sobbed into his shirt.

"What did I do to deserve this? Huh?"

"I wasn't good enough for you?"

"If I wasn't I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry!"

I apologized as we away back and forth. I finally calmed down and pulled away from the hug.

"Can we be friends?" He asked.

"I guess." I said.

"Well I guess I'll be going now. Alexis needs my help with the baby." He said grabbing his coat from the couch.

"Alexis?"

"Oh my girlfriend and my son's mother." He answered skeptically.

Wow? At least lie and say she's your sister or something.

"Get out, Jacob." I said walking to my bed laying down.

"We're still friends, right?" He asked smiling at me.

"Yea, whatever" I said focusing on the tv. He walked out closing my door. I tried to mask my pain, but I couldn't hold it in anymore. I started crying my eyes out.