I Can't Go Back To The Way It Used To Be

4

After I left school, I drove to the pizzeria and ordered a pie with cheesy bread. But as I was leaving, I bumped into Jacob and his crew. I tried to walk around but Jacob blocked me.

"You can't say hi?" He asked with that famous smirk of his.

"Hey Jacob, now can I go?" I asked trying to hide the attitude in my voice, but failed.

"Oh I like when you get feisty, mami." He said making his friends laugh.

"Get out of my way please" I said rolling my eyes.

"Jacob just move." Craig said.

"You should listen to your friend pretty boy." I said pointing to Craig.

"Or what? Jacob don't move." Ray said.

"Who asked you for your 2 cents braids?" I said getting in his face.

"Back up lil mama." He said pushing me.

Oh really?

I slide through them and put my food in my car. I walk back to Ray pushing him back.

"You don't want it shawty" He said laughing

My brother always taught me that if someone is messing with me, especially a boy, don't fight back. All I have to do is control them.

I immediately start crying.

"Bro look what you did!" Chres said.

"Really dude?" Craig said.

"Come here Alana" Jacob said with his arms out. I walk to him, continuing my crying.

"She shouldn't have hit me!" He said.

I start crying louder making Jacob hug me tighter.

"Okay I'm sorry Alana" Ray said rubbing my back. I immediately pull away from Jacob's embrace and punch Ray in his face.

"Don't put your hands on a female sir" I said walking to my car driving home.

~

Knock Knock....

I got up from my bed when I heard someone knocking on my door.

"Who is it?!" I yelled.

"Open up Lana!" Jacob yelled. I sighed and opened the door to him with the boys.

"Here's my hospital bill" Ray said walking up to me handing me his bill.

"I'm not paying for anything! You hit me first, I defended myself! So you either get out my face and house, or let me take my phone & call the police on you! Which one!" I snapped.

"Oh never mind, I'm good" He said looking to the side scratching his neck.

"Get out! Out!" I said trying to shoe them out my home.

"Yea y'all go, I'm going to stay with Alana" Jacob said closing the door on the boys.

"Says who?" I asked, curious. He's getting too comfortable.

"The man of the house." He smirked walking to my couch.

"You're so confusing! I swear! You never even looked my way in school, or at all, but now you think that you can come in my house and try to get with me?! I don't know what kind of joke this is, but I'm not falling it" I said still standing up waiting for him to get up.

"I'm not trying to play you. You're vulnerable though if you would let me sleep in your bed, and kiss you." He said making no eye contact with me.

What?! Me?! Vulnerable?!

"Vulnerable isn't in my vocabulary! First of all, even if I was vulnerable I would only want one thing and that's Love! Not for no boy to use me! So think before you speak to me like that in my home!" I snapped.

"Ouch mami! I could love you if I want, but..." He trailed.

"But what?" I asked taking a seat.

"I don't know what love is." He said shamefully.

"Sure you do. You love you're mom right?" I said.

"Yea I love them. But that's the type of love that no matter what they do you have to love them. There isn't a choice." He said.

"So you mean love with a person, like a girlfriend, boyfriend thing?" I asked

"Yea" He said.

"Okay, I've had this talk with my brother. I didn't know what love was at first. I thought of love like you did. I knew what loving your family was but not other people. He told me that when you meet that right person, it's not love. It's greater than love. So you might think that feeling that your having is a feeling telling you don't love or trust that person. But it's not. That feeling when you have butterflies in your stomach, and you can't stop smiling or laughing. Or even when your so comfortable with that person that you think you can do anything, and they will still love and care for you. Anyways, that's love. Love is just indescribable. So if you can't describe your feelings for that person, then that's the one." I said finishing up everything.

"Whoa...." He said astonishingly.

"I know. I've never felt that. I've never felt that considering, when you meet the one, they have to have a mutual feeling towards you, just like you do towards them. Since no one have mutual feelings towards me or even like me. It's still weird how in telling you this like I've experienced it." I chuckled.

"Can I be honest with you?" Jacob asked.

"Sure" I said getting more comfortable in the couch.

"I haven't noticed you. I never liked you before, I didn't care to much about you. Yes I've seen you around, but I never payed attention to you..." He said nonchalantly, causing my heart to sink a little.

"Jacob I think it's time for yo-" He cuts me off.

"Until 2 years ago. When I realized that we were attending the same high school, I thought that I should get to know you. When I actually had a conversation with you, I've been stuck on you since. Your beautiful smile, deep dimples, smooth skin, brains and your beauty. I never told anyone about how I felt towards you. Then last year, I went to visit some of my family in Cali for the summer. Then I met this girl. We kicked it off and ended up having sex. Then I left when the summer was over. Then 1 week ago, she called me saying she is about to have my baby in 2 months. I've been stressed because all I really thought of was..."

"Being a father, and having a wonderful family" I finished.

"Actually no, all I thought of was you, Alana." He said looking at me.

There those butterflies go.

"Stop lying." I said pulling my blanket over me since it was getting chilly in the house.

"I mean it" He said bringing me closer to him, while wrapping his arms around me.

"I like you Alana. I know you feel the same. Don't hide your feelings" He said.

"I sadly like you too. I've liked you since forever." I said looking in his eyes. "The sad thing is that, you now realize me, because you had to deal with me in high school" I finished, sadly looking down.

"It's not like that" He said, grabbing my chin to continue our eye contact.

"Then how is it like?" I asked, curiously.

"I wanted to get to know you Alana. I didn't have to be friends with you, or even know you, but I took the time out to do that. I wouldn't do that for another girl." He said.

"Except your baby mama." I mumbled, but he still heard me.

"Very funny." He smirked causing me to laugh.

The whole time we sat in silence, but it wasn't awkward. It was peaceful. As I was getting sleepy, I heard Jacob say:

"The feeling is mutual, babygirl, the feeling is mutual"

He rocked me side to side and rubbed my arms. After he kissed my lips and fell asleep with me.