I don't know how long I've sat here, wondering why he let me go. I know I should be dead after what I did. He's a criminal, and he could have done whatever he wanted with me. Before or after I shot that gun. He's strong enough to, and he has the means to do it. I've learned that much.
The sun's gone down, leaving my small living room bathed in shadows. My eyes burn, and my left ankle is numb from sitting on it for so long.
There's a bus that runs from the next block over all the way to Jersey City. I've been thinking about that too. And whether or not I would be able to use my credit cards, or if he'd be able to track me. I don't have enough cash to live without cards. I barely have any cash, in fact. There's a lot of debt in my name if I were to run and somehow try to come up with a fake ID.
I guess I can add three hundred thousand more to that debt. My stomach sinks at the thought, somehow finding its way to my throat even though it's in the opposite direction.
I've been waiting for some miraculous plan to smack me in the face. An easy way out, or even a difficult one. Something tells me Jase Cross will find me though. He'll find me wherever I run.
I can hear my back crack as I slowly rise from the sofa. My body is so stiff and sore, an obvious reminder of what happened. I need to give in to sleep and rest, but I can't bring myself to do it. To go lie in my bed when I'm so fucked.
Three hundred thousand dollars. What did you get yourself into, Jenny?
I have nothing. No money saved, only debt from school and from bailing Jenny out countless times. No answers to what happened.
He has answers. The nagging voice reminds me of that fact as I walk around my coffee table, leaving the book where it sits, and heading to the kitchen.
He wants to use me and pressure me into this when I don't deserve this shit. And he's the one with all the power. The one with all the answers.
Answers that belong to me. If he wants that debt to be paid, he'd better hold up his end of the deal. He'd better give me answers.
Grabbing a glass from the dishwasher and one of the many open bottles of red wine from my fridge left by all my unwelcomed guests, I decide on a drink. A drink to numb it all.
It's what I relied on last night too, after hours of searching my sister's old room for anything at all. Drugs she could have bought, cash she stored somewhere. I have no fucking idea how she owes so much, but her room was barren.
When Jase Cross dropped me off and told me he'd be seeing me soon, that was the first thing I did. Then I searched everywhere else. I searched and dug until my body gave out. And then I drank, somehow finding a moment of sleep, only to wake up with a pounding headache and that sick feeling still in my gut.
The way he said he'd be seeing me soon, before unlocking the car doors and walking me to my front door, the way he said it was like a promise. Like a promise a long-lost lover makes.
Not at all like the threat it really is.
The cork pops when it comes out, that lovely sound filling the air, followed by the sweet smell of Cabernet.
One glass quiets the constant flood of questions and regrets.
Two glasses numb the fears and makes me feel... alive. Free? I don't know.
Three glasses and I usually give in and pass out and everything's better then. Until I wake up and have to face another day with nothing to take this emptiness inside of me away.
YOU ARE READING
A Single Glance
Storie d'amoreI saw her from across the bar. My bar. My city. Everything in that world belonged to me. She stood out from the crowd like she was looking for someone to blame for her pain. That night, I felt the depths of my mistakes. I felt my scars. With a sing...
