𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐰𝐞 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞 𝐮𝐩 • 𝐣𝐢𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐤 ✓

- 10 -

you don't know what happened from here, i think.

so i suppose i'll have to explain. i'm so sorry all of this had to happen, love.

____

you remember parts, i think. you were there when we drove home and made love in the car again, and when we opened the door and saw them. you were there when they started to shout and i broke down crying and when you held me and whispered that everything would be okay. how wrong you were. because once you left, we lost everything.

we could have had the world, but it was all ripped out from under us.

they were yelling when we came back, screamed and asked what i was doing coming home at 3 AM, grinning up at you and holding your hand, they wanted to know what we were doing and what you had done to me and who you were, why i was together late at night with someone below me.

jungkook, love, i'm sorry about that. i'm sorry if what they said hurt you, because they're wrong. so, so wrong. you could never be below anyone, angel.

i remember crying, falling into your arms while they shouted at me that i was a disappointment, breaking everything they had spent years setting up, that no wonder i had changed so much, all because of a lowly boy who had corrupted me. they never understood that you saved me.

and when you were forced to leave, i snapped.

i told them. i told them i loved you, i told them that no one had ever loved me the way you did, and that no one could ever love me the way you do, that i loved you back and that i wanted to be with you for the rest of my life, i cried and screamed at them that by taking you away they were taking my entire life away, taking the love of my life, my sole reason to live away.

i got carried away. i told them what i truly thought, how i hated every second of my life, being locked up in this mansion, always told what to do and how to act and whom to love, that they cared less about me as a person but their pretty, perfect doll that they could control perfectly.

and i told them i'd rather die than leave you, rather throw myself so dramatically out of the top window of the house than lose you.

i thought, for a short, stupid moment i thought that they'd concede. looking at the flash of guilt running through my mother's eyes, i thought they would both apologize. apologize for ignoring me my entire life and trying to take the one person in this world who truly loved me away.

but they didn't.

and that was the turning point of our relationship, i suppose. well, looking back, was it the end?

because afterwards, they told me to pack my bags, they said they had had enough of my behaviour and were leaving, said we're moving far away so that i wouldn't continue to be corrupted by these so called "friends", so that i would stop having these unnatural feelings.

but didn't we speak about this before? i asked you why people are so repulsed by us sometimes, how someone could have so much hate and anger bottled up inside to think two boys kissing is a sin.

i don't know much about religion, honestly, but i know that we're supposed to love our neighbour, love and support people for who they are. so why is it that the worst people are loved by so many while people hate you for being who you are?

why do my own parents hate me, why are my own parents who told me they loved me so repulsed by me?

and the thing is, jungkook, i love you. even though i've had terrible things said about you, even though i was told that our relationship was sick and disgusting, that you were manipulating me into having these thoughts, i still love you. i don't care what everyone else says now, because you make me happy. you lift me up like no one has ever done. you make me smile like never before, and i'll always love you.

i'll always love you, but looking back, maybe this was fate. no matter how hard we tried, no matter how much i love you, we weren't meant to be. you live with your family, a happy life in a small apartment and i'm locked in this house i'm supposed to call home.

and you might have unlocked the door to my cage with a bobby pin, broken the doors and swept me away, but you never held the keys. we were never in control of our own destinies.

and i'm so, so sorry, because we promised, we promised we were forever, we promised we wouldn't leave each other, but here i am. i'm sorry for being so weak.

jeon jungkook, you were the love of my life, and it's killing me to leave you.

but i'll accept it. i'll let this kill me from the inside, slowly and surely until i'm back to what i was before you, lifeless, finding joy in nothing and locked inside every day, every night. i'll accept it so that you can continue living. it's going to hurt to never see you again, but let's pray it's for the best. i'll see you in my dreams every night, love.

so be happy, sweetheart. i love you.

and now, do you know why we broke up?