Can't help falling in love with you

■●the wedding●■

I take one last deep breath before walking out of the room to meet my bridesmaids. Most of them my dads choice, his business partners daughters. I didn't even get to choose that. The irony, this is meant to be my big day but my dad and the Richard's are calling all the shots. My only request was that Stella was my maid of honor and Lucian was the best man. They obliged after much persuasion.

I found out why Lucian was acting a bit weird a few months ago. He sort of let it slip about me and Stephan to Chris. I forgave Lucian, he basically brought me back to reality. I couldn't live in lala land forever. Plus he's my twin I can't stay mad at him for to long even if I really tried.

As I walk out of the room I was just in Ms. Richard and my mom walk up to me. My mom still isn't happy about this whole thing but she just puts on a fake smile and carries along with it, I can't blame her we can't do anything.

"Gisele you look absolutely gorgeous" Ms. Richard says" thank you so much Ms. Rich- I mean Cassandra" she insisted I call her by her name since she is going to be my in law in just a few moments. I still sometimes slip up and call her by her last name but correct myself quickly.

"Of course my dear" she says with a warm smile and a hug, which I return. She has happy tears, everyone will think my mom tears are happy too but I know her fake smile all too well. She taught me that trick very young so we can't fool each other, but we can fool others . "Gisele" is all she can say as she bits her lip to try and hold back more of her tears. She takes a deep breath and flashes a fake smile again so others dont worry.

"I wish you the best my dear" and with that she leaves. Along side with Cassandra to take their seats as the ceremony is about to start.

If I'm being honest I don't really consider myself a religious person. My grandparents where but my father and mother not so much. They still got married by the church and are now making me too, but we never really practiced the religion my grandparents practiced, only did our communions. So it feels odd to be married by the church.

"Ready" my father says holding out his arm for me to grab, trying to sound as happy as possible as Owen(Mr. Richard, he also asked me to call him by first name) was also going to walk me down the aisle. I asked him too, he is kinder to me than my own father so it would give me a slight sense of happiness if he also walked me. He happily agreed, my dad was furious at me later once they left but had to accept it.

"Ready as I'll ever be" sending then both a small fake smile letting out a sigh. But I know that I'm not ready. I dont want to marry Chris, he's a nice guy and all but I just never saw him in that type if way. I will never truly love him like I'm meant to as a wife but there is nothing I can do.

The doors open and my bridesmaids and the groomsmen walk out in pairs.  Lucian and Stella first, then the rest, finally me and the two men next to me. Everyone gasps as they see me walk out. My father wanted this to be the wedding of the season so he made sure to go all out. The dress is a mermaid style dress, a creamy white color, with tiny white opal jewels lining it, sort of in a corset form. My hair was curled into tiny tight curls and pinned up into a half up half down style. On my head was a small silver tiara with small diamonds on it. My makeup wasn't how I normally like it. It was a lot, they put on me a full face of makeup and went all out. In all honesty I feel fake. Like a doll. This isn't how I pictured myself on my wedding day when I was smaller. There's no point in remembering what I wanted it's not gonna happen.

I though I was gonna be able to choose my dress but in the end I wasn't. Nothing was planned by me. Apart from the venue, and I wasn't even supposed to have a say in that but I did.

We walked until we reach the end on the runway and they both hand me to Chris. Hewas looking at me with pure adoration and joy with the biggest smile on his face. I feel so bad for him I wish I was able to give him the love he wishes he got from me but I just can't. I've tried, the phrase 'fake it till you make it' is bullshit. I tried faking it when he proposed but I didn't work and even after the whole incident I tried but nothing. Again for now I try faking it, putting all my energy into making it seem genuine.

"Do you Chris take Gisele to be you wife, to love and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for as long as you both shall live" "I do" still having that smile on him "And do you"-he says now facing me- "Gisele take Chris to be your husband, to love and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for as long as you both shall live" "I do" I say with a big fake smile to really sell it. It seems as I do for when I look back to look at my family my dad nods his head in approval. Something that is so rare I can't remember the last time he did that to me.

"Then by the power invested in me I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss your bride" says the pastor. He kissed me. Something I dreaded but I just let it happen. He did most of the work pulled me close and made me arch my back a little, I just kissed back. It felt like kissing a wall but still smiled once we where done and stared back at everyone.

                   A few hours later
Were at the venue now for the party and I try to keep my facade of being on cloud 9 for as long as I can. Its draining my energy a lot more that usual. Maybe because in doing it for longer than I'm used to, but I fight through.

My brother and Stella noticed on my low energy after a few more hours of trying and helped me out a bit making up excuses for me to get out of taking to more and more people. Letting me get my energy back for the first dance I must have with my new husband.

"And now the new couple will be having their first dance" says some guy with a microphone, think he's the man in charge of the music. We danced to the song Waltz No.2 by Dmitri Shostakovich. I was a beautiful song and it's meant to be a beautiful moment it just doesn't feel right. I just push those feeling back and try to lose myself in the music.

The dance was done and we walked together to our table, hand in hand. Again the facade I'm selling is being bought nicely.........or so I thought.

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I felt so sad writing this I feel so bad for her but there is light in the end of every dark tunnel. I hope you enjoyed:).