A Journal for Three

Francis - Entry 1

Francis Oaks
June 15, 2020
Okay, so i've never done this before but, Scratchy said keeping a journal of my thoughts and feelings would help me with the whole "repressing feelings" thing. He never told me how much to write but, i assume i should write until i can't write anymore.

Um, i don't know really where to start but, I guess we can start with my siblings. There's Fallon, he's my older brother. He's really nice and he actually genuinely cares about me. We do a lot of things together, and i feel like he's one of the only people that actually gives a shit about me. Then there's my younger sister, Trinity. She's...a bit self absorbed. Ever since mom and dad left, Fallon's been spoiling her a bit too much. She gets angry easily but, she usually calms down quickly. So yeah, that makes me the middle kid. Um. That's all the family i know about besides mom and dad, unless i have an aunt or uncle i don't know about. Speaking of mom and dad, i haven't seen them in such a long time. I know mom and dad sent us away to keep us safe, but i didn't think it would be this long. I'm 14 now, but last time i saw them, i was 6. There's..there's been nights where i convince myself that they aren't coming back. I'm starting to believe that's actually true. We haven't heard from them in 8 years...I'm starting to get concerned. Um, that's mom and dad. I've been sewing for a while as a way to help with not being around mom. I used to make things with her and..it made me feel safe, if i'm making sense. When we got sent to Burbank i started making songs about missing mom and dad, and once i started i never really stopped.

There's a girl at school i've been talking to, i won't say her name but, she's one of the few people that actually care about me. She's so sweet and, i honestly wanna confess to her, but i don't think the time is right. I should wait until i'm more emotionally stable. Diana really makes me feel like i actually matter and-

oops. just said her name.

No Matter, there's millions of  Diana's in the entire world. You'll have a hard time finding the girl i'm talking about. I go to River Valley High School. My school focuses mainly on art more than academics. Our art and music department is huge, and i mean huge. They're the ones that get the most funding. I'm a freshman right now, so this is my first year. Fallon used to go to school, but he doesn't go anymore. At least i never see him go. Does he even take classes anymore?

Feelings, right. I feel..upset. And not a temporary upset, it's one that's there all the time. Maybe it's because mom and dad aren't around? I don't know. I miss having someone to really talk to after a hard day. Yeah, there's Fallon, but i barely see him anymore because of his job. It's not my place to really speak on it though. I also feel kinda..angry? I feel angry at dad for putting us in the situation we're in. I wish he cared about us more to stop drinking. I'm not a big emotional guy, but if i ever do show emotion, it's not pretty. That's the whole reason i do this whole hidden emotions thing. So nobody has to see how big my emotions are.

Fallon always tells me that my emotions are bigger than other people's and that's okay, because nobody's emotions are too big or small. If it weren't for Fallon, i don't think i'd be as content with life as i am right now. Trinity helps too but, it's usually only if she wants something. But that's Trinity for you. The younger sibling who gets whatever she wants because Fallon doesn't have the heart to say no. I don't blame him though. The last thing you'd wanna hear is Trinity throwing a tantrum. A 12 year old throwing a tantrum. Sounds kind of stupid when you think about it.

I don't really have any more to say. I don't go back to Scratcy for a while so, i guess i'll write whatever goes on in that time period.

thanks for letting me unload

-Francis