I guess i could say you will never understand. the pain, the hurt, the late nights, bad grades, a lot of tears, really sharp blades, blood and bandages, fake smiles, rope, pills, notes, suicide thoughts, everything. You could never understand. You could read every book under the sun, and interview every person who suffers like this, like me, and you would never truly understand the pain, the emotional pain we feel. Never.
"Sometimes i wonder in the late nights alone, why I'm still here in this fucked up home, how i tell myself that everything is okay and fake smile every moment just so others don't feel pain. Its stupid, because nobody actually cares... i tell myself people do, but my heart strongly knows that nobody does. Look at me. I'm a mess, another nobody just put in this world for the universes entertainment. But then again i deserve all the pain i have, i deserve to hate myself because lets face the facts, what is there to like about me?... that's right nothing. I am a nothing. I'm a failure. I am failing, i wish i could be better for my family but i cant... because i am me. God look at me, I'm so fucking worthless. Everything everybody has said about me is true. I'm stupid, annoying, a freak, ugly, fat, suicidal, self harmer, cry baby, a failure, weak, a nobody, nothing, fucked up, worthless, and more... there's so much i want to say... but how i express it is self harm, the scars on my wrists will never fade, and the memories i have had are scarred into my brain, the cuts, the bruises, the hurts, the red marks, the blood... the blood. God i remember when i was so scared to get cut, hated it, never wanted to. Told myself i wouldn't, didn't want the pain and now look at me... wanting to die. I can still remember the blood oozing out of my skin... onto my shirt and the stinging feeling that brought me pleasure and made me smile. I'm a psycho. I'm failing at school but don't give a shit, why would i bother when im gonna be dead soon anyways? the teachers all fucking hate me and don't even care about me. I've not only failed at school, I've failed at life. I hate it when people say "i care", no you fucking don't, look at me im a mess, I'm dying, I'm broken yet you don't give a fucking shit so just go away, your just wasting your time on me anyways... Nobody bother, im going to be dead soon and the only thing on my suicide note will be "if only..." just to make you wonder if only... But when im dead, my body cold and pail, heart still and blood stopped flowing. My chest doesn't pump and cool air doesn't run out of my mouth, don't act like you give a shit, because if you did i wouldn't be dead in the first place..."
Did you know that people all around the world are self harming and committing suicide yet only fucking famous people get recognized when the sit down on a chair. oh did you now? well Its fucking bullshit, why aren't people recognizing and helping people that actually need help and support? Oh i know, because you people don't care.
YOU ARE READING
I told you I'm fine...
Ficțiune generală"What does depression feel like?" He whispered to her in the pitch black. The girl tensed then relaxed her muscles. She watched her feet shuffle as she breathed in and out into the cool winter night. "it's like drowning." She looked up into his eye...
