Hired for secrets

Yet another rival

What Sofie feared the most had finally happened. Philip was gone. He vanished from the safe-house, disconnected the SIM, and cut her out of his life. We could have solved this together. The possibilities of his hypothetical punched a whole in Sofie's heart. Could have..., should have..., would have... There was a lot she'd do differently, if she got the chance. Starting with asking him whether Phil stands for Phillip of Philón.

"I don't know what to believe anymore, Rach."

Sitting at the kitchen bench in Rachel's luxurious penthouse, Sofie rubbed her throbbing temples.

"Believe?" Rachel lifted an eyebrow. She hated seeing her friend turn into a spineless lump over a man. "Why is that even an option? You are a journalist. You don't believe, you find the truth. You expose it, not get caught up in it."

This enthusiastic pep-talk would have worked once. But Sofie was too tired. Physically and emotionally. She was done trying to keep up her facade. It was easy to be strong, objective, and resourceful when it was someone else's life that was falling to pieces. But this was her future. If Philip was innocent she would have wanted him in her life. Even if they were just friends. And who knows, with his free will restored he might have picked her after all. But all this possibility was taken from her, it riddled her with self-doubt, and sapped all motivation. There was nothing she wanted to do except curl up to hold the crippling emptiness in her heart at bay.

"...unless, of course," Rachel continued, ignoring Sofie's despair, "you are too afraid of the truth. Scared that the infallible judge of character was fooled by a pretty face. Like a love-sick puppy."

Sofie glared at her friend.

"Feel free to stop helping any time, Rach."

With a disappointed sigh, Rachel gave Sofie a pad on the back and got up to leave. Tough love was her only approach and it wasn't working.

It wasn't working because Sofie wasn't actually afraid of what she'd find out about Phil. She was afraid that her past was catching up with her.

"It just feels so similar...," Sofie sobbed.

Rachel stopped and turned around.

"What do you mean 'similar'? Similar to you and... Damien?"

Sofie nodded. She could hear Rachel's respect for the man and it made her stomach cramp.

"Damien died, Sof. He did not walk out on you... he would have never done that."

"How would you know?" she snapped. "You met neither of them."

Sofie took a deep breath before looking at Rachel. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

Why was she apologizing? Damien was her partner. It was her loss. She carried the emotional baggage. Not Rachel. Rachel was just a distant witness. She didn't even know the full story.

"I never told you why Damien died."

Sofie blinked the tears out of her eyes. She'd been hiding from the truth. Avoiding thinking about it. But she'd have to face her demons someday. So it might as well be today.

"I saw the warning signs. I realized how close they've gotten to us. But the story was important enough to take a risk. At least that's what I thought at the time. Now, it all seems so meaningless." Tears streamed down Sofie's face. "I've lost the man I loved. Because I kept pushing where I should have walked away. And he paid the price. For what? A jail sentence and a couple hundred words on a page?"

Her tears were hot and shameful, carving a self-deprecating grimace on her face.

"Damien was poisoned because I couldn't let go. And I made the same exact mistake again with Phil. Before I left the safehouse he said I had this insatiable hunger for the truth and didn't care for the people around me. I think he's right."