"my thoughts are swallowing me whole"
"??? explain"
"i cant"
im an overdramatic teen okay? first of all im typing without capitalization because it gives the words an aura of inconstistancy and not giving a shitness... which i love and long for. however it can never come to me. let me give you the whole truth, i drank alot of moonshine, and im not gonna lie i did flirt a little too much with my crush (shh) but something has been bothering me. yesterday me and my older brother had a fight; not the kind where we yell and scream at eachother out of bordom or the meer fact i stole his turtle beach headphones for the weekend, but it was the one where we argue for a few moments then cry. we both bawled because the topic of interest is a very controversial one in my family. 1) religion 2) homosexuality. the two worst conversations in my household came together, in the form of incoherent crying and judgement we're not allowed to have. let me back up, you might be confused or already clicked off, i apologize to the highest of my ability through this dumb laptop. my dad is gay, but thats not the problem, i love him and dont give a shit who he loves too, but my mother and brother think he's the devil and i am too. last night after our fight, he told my mom everything, how i was okay with my dad being gay (and supported him 100%) and me straying away from our home religion... christianity. yes thats the big topic at family dinners(if we had any) im agnostic but who the hell cares? i believe it is my choice that i dont believe in an old book telling people in 2015 what to do, thats my livelihood, not theirs, but last night while my brother looked at me smuggly while i cried and read bible verses i realized that i was the only sane one in my house, and even i am crazy.
theres a verse that made me bawl, and not because the lord was speaking to me, but because the words are filled with so much imbeded hate of the past it sickens me
leviticus 20:13
13 " 'If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.
how can they preach about all things 'holy' when they are saying someone should be put to death because of sex? it baffles me my mother is trying to turn my against my father when all she is doing is making me hate her and love him even more. she forced me to read this one little sentence outloud, while i was snotting and crying so loud she was yelling "READ IT" over and over in my face. this is not what someone should have to put up with, i dont want to be sugar coated and filled with hatred at someone for being who they are. but then again i hate my mother for being a heartess wench, but thats who she is.
thank you , bless - t
not edited i need sleep
