Kabanata 12
Excuse
I showed Rience the photographs I had taken in the garden. The looming shadow still creeps me out but not as intense as the first time I saw it. Tutal, alam ko naman na kung sino ba talaga iyon.
"I'm sorry you had to see all of that," aniya at nag-angat ng tingin.
"Why are you owning up to it? Hindi mo naman kasalanan," napasama na ako sa mga kapatid ko sa pagpapaalala sa kaniya na huwag sisihin ang sarili.
We're here at the lanai. Isang umaga ulit ito na napaaga ang gising ko at hindi na kataka-takang kanina pa gising si Rience. We're just waiting for my brother to come down. He's not yet awake and I bet he got tired yesterday.
Huminga si Rience nang malalim. His eyes looked serious. Tinikom ko nang mariin ang aking labi. My curiosity about his eye color was here again.
"I brought them here," iling niya.
My eyes narrowed. Nito ko lang napapansin. He's so humble but when you look at it, it seemed like he doesn't let his ego do its work. Hindi niya tinatanggap kahit iba na ang nagsasabi na hindi naman niya kasalanan.
"Can I ask something?" pagbubukas ko ng ibang usapan.
He nodded. "Sure..."
Ngumiti ako at pinilig ang aking ulo. Nakita ko ang alinlangan sa kaniya dahil magkatabi lang kami.
"What's the most important thing to you?"
He licked his lips. Mukhang hindi niya inasahan ang tanong na iyon.
"Not a thing. My family will always be my priority."
Parehas kami. No matter how I angry I get, or no matter how great the pain they can cause me, I love my family. Isa iyong bagay na hindi makukuwestiyon ng ibang tao dahil sa sarili ko, pigilin ko man, hindi ko rin kaya.
"You? Ano ang pinakamahalaga sa 'yo?"
Binaling ko ang tingin sa pool. "Being incorrigible."
It was like a big question mark was written in front of him. Mas ngumiti ako. His qestion was not specific, so I gave him a not so specific answer.
"Kapag kaya mong umalis sa nakasanayan, at tawirin ang kahit ano nang hindi nagpapadala sa sinasabi ng iba, ibig sabihin, you're after peace..."
He became silent. Nakita ko sa aking gilid ang kaniyang pagseryoso. Not sure if I touched on something, nilingon ko siyang muli. His eyes were a shade darker when it met mine.
"Peace is not easy. Well, at least for someone like me, mahirap iyon..."
He sighed. "I didn't have an idea that you think like that."
"Ikaw ba? Naniniwala ka ba sa sinasabi ko?"
"Hmm..." Nag-isip pa siya. "I think being inquisitive is better. Curiosity is your driving force. But you are aware of imminent threats along the way."
"You are cautious," hula ko.
"Aren't we all?" He angled his head.
"Caution is only an excuse for fear."
Umirap ako. Bakit pa ba magpapadala ang tao sa takot? Bakit hindi na lang subukan? But yet again, I remember, people are different. Not because someone tried, everyone else will follow. It's frustrating it doesn't work that way.
"Sometimes, when a person carries a lot, one wrong move and he'll lose it."
I stared at him. "What will you lose?"
