Estrella. | Haiba Lev

37

I remember coughing blood, but the reason for it.. I do remember as well, but I wish I don't. I was afraid. When I felt it, I couldn't process that I was.. shot. It was done so swiftly, little eyes will never be able to notice at all.

Lev was crying and when I fell unconscious. Why? I don't know either. I do know that I interrupted his date with Hatsumi-san. It was enough for her to shoot me without him noticing. Her act was perfect, and it fooled me and it fooled him too. I'm now probably being tried to rescue by paramedics, or some doctors and nurses. Oh well.

The first thing... that I heard when I fell unconscious was.. my own voice. I told myself.. "I want to die... Don't fight the pain, and just die. Disappear. Be gone." Those words resonated in my head, echoing and just repeating the same words all over again. It's weird how I can still actually think even when I'm unconscious, and the thought? I answered myself, "Sure."

I was ready to die. I wanted to die. After suffering from being raped by men and women, old and young, what's my purpose in life? What's there to live for? A single person dying wouldn't change anything. If I die, I'm just one of the seven people dying every seven seconds. I'd be just that person. That single speck of dust in everything.

What would I return to? Lev has moved on, just like Aunt Zhang told me. My career is ruined because of the breakup, and the sudden hiatus. My friends have their own lives, and my parents have theirs too. My life is separated from theirs, so if I die, it would only affect them for a few days. I'm nothing. Utterly nothing in everything.

So the question is, why are they trying to save me? A filthy immodest woman who has sex everyday with many different people every stupid hour of the day. No breaks, no rests, just sex. My body is vandalized. Burns, scars, wounds.. all of them untreated. So, why couldn't they just leave them untreated? And the gunshot wound? They should've just let me bleed out. I'm not worth it.

One more thing.... he said he's done with me, that he doesn't love me anymore... my aunt said so. Lev doesn't love me anymore.. so why did he bother calling 119 when I could've just been left dying on the floor? That way, I'll have peace.. and I wouldn't have to protect anyone, nor do I have to make decisions anymore.

Everything flashed back. I told myself.. I wish I never had a boyfriend, and that I wish I never became an actress. I wish I was just that average student, ordinary girl.. not the daughter of an all-time billionaire. I wish I was a daughter of an average family with my parents both being there for me since I was a baby. I wish I wasn't.. who I am.

I haven't thought of being someone else, someone less... if anything, I just wish that Lev and I never crossed paths. If we hadn't... this might've not happened.

I open an eye, having trouble with the other as I felt a bandage on my eyebrow. I'm alive.. why? The EKG is beating just as my heart is, the oxygen tank is supplying me more air, and... a blood bag. I am anemic, but.. I don't have life support. That means, I'm not that in trouble. I'm able to breathe and move on my own.

I turn to my side, and find Haruto-san checking on me. "H... Haruto...san..." He looks at me, and immediately checks on everything else. "Why... did you... save me..?"

"I'm a doctor, (Y/n), and there are many people out there who's waiting for you. I'm glad you're awake. I should inform the others—" I grab his hand, and pull him back to stay. "(Y/n).. Is there something wrong?" I shake my head, and he takes a seat.