How Many Stars

❖ Roadtrip ❖

. . . 

A new place, with the promise of a fresh start, to most it would be something quite exciting. To me, that was debatable. Growing up in the city and transitioning to that of a small country town it gave me a weird feeling. I was so used to the infinite concrete jungles, the bright fluorescent lights, the sound of the cars and other automobiles tearing down through the streets in the middle of the night, the bustle of crowds flooding to new stores, myself once upon a time joining these crowds. By now though this was all irrelevant. None of this familiarity or knowledge would be of any use to me anymore. Because here I was. Sat in this dingy old car, driving to our "new home".

The green fields rolled past outside my window, my cheek pressed up against the cool glass, head resting upon the palm of my hand. The scenery wasn't too terrible really. It seemed fresh, maybe even a little too fresh? But that was besides the point. I turned my head to meet what lay outside. The view of rolling fields dotted with the occasional tree and cow. Rotting wood fences, with barbed wire wrapped in between each stake also made an appearance, twisting and following alongside the fields. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad? Fuck... Who was I kidding. The world continued to whirl by outside my window, Tommy awakening from his nap and becoming grumbly, remembering where we were all headed.
"You know, this is bullshit." Tommy huffed, still half asleep, rubbing the sleep away from his eyes, letting out a small yawn before turning his gaze to Will, who was sat beside him. 
"Willllll. Why out here? You could've chosen anywhere bloody anywhere but you chose a small fucking town house in the middle of nowhere. NOWHERE! Do you hear me Wilbur... Wilbur.. WILBUR SHIT!" Tommy spat. He, like myself wasn't too fond of the idea of moving, that was obvious though. Tommy, like me, had grown up in the city and was used to everything, the constant bustle and buzz of the city, the endless opportunities and adventures. As annoying as I guess this was for Tommy it provided a comfort in a sense for me, like I wasn't in this alone anymore.
"Tommy mannnn, relax! The house isn't that bad... wait.. wait..Tommy- you haven't even seen  the house yet!" Wilbur retorted, averting his gaze from his window to face Tommy.
"Yeah? And? It's..." he paused, "...it's still going to be shit!" 
"Tommy, Tommy, cmon-"
"-memememem look at me I'm Wilbur Soot, oooooo I'm Wilbur look at me!" This little feud sparked between the two went on for a while, honestly I couldn't tell you how long. But Tommy had tried to drag me into it numerous times. Wilbur being persistent in keeping it between the two of them. Phil eventually growing impatient and annoyed by their argument flicked a switch. A buzz serenading the car, filling my ears, before developing into a more comprehendible sound. Two voices, presenters if you will, going over the top news stories as well as the most popular songs of the week. The occasional hum and fuzz of the radio interrupting their conversation filling the air with a comforting white noise.
I began to feel my eyelids grow heavy as we continued our travels, the once afternoon sun, now settling over the hills in the distance. The sky stained with a pink and orange glow, but soon began to fade into an inky black as I began to drift off into a slumber.

It wasn't unusual for me to fall asleep during car trips. Or really any trip at that. But to be honest, I'm glad I did, it was a nice break from everything that was going on. It allowed me to escape and go home for one final time.
Falling into the land of dreams and dusting myself off. It was quite pleasurable to look up and be met with that of our old apartment building. The familiar oak door, lined with white peeling paint and a small table by the door with blue cornflowers to which sat in a pot, freshly picked by Kristin, Phil's wife. Walking through the place it was nice, the familiar creaking of the floorboards and the flower print wallpaper, the familiar corridor that lead to our old rooms. Everything was just so... perfect. Really, I wasn't complaining, sure it seemed picture-perfect but it was better than what was yet to come at this new place, I mean I think. The deeper I fell into the dream, the more disappointed I felt. This wasn't what I'd started with. What I wanted. What I wanted to see and go back to, no. Things only began to feel emptier and darker and lonelier. This wasn't the same apartment I remembered from only a few hours ago.
The further I progressed, moving from room to room. I truly began to notice how dead this place really was. The furniture slowly vanishing around me.. and the silence. The silence of this place, it was deafening. Without Tommy screeching from up in his room, without Wilbur sitting in the kitchen with his guitar strumming it haphazardly, without Phil and Kristin laughing in the living room over some dumb thing Tommy had done, it just didn't feel right it felt so, so dead and gone and just, empty. It felt so out of place. I felt so out of place. Maybe... just maybe this wasn't home anymore. This wasn't where I belonged. Not anymore at least. 
I began to take steps backwards.
"This isn't where I belong, this isn't home." I began to mutter, further stepping backwards before turning and trying to make a run for the door. But it felt impossible. The weights of the memories made here grappling at my legs and dragging me down. Forbidding me from leaving this place. Trying to bribe me with their empty promises. With the potential of a new, false reality of sorts. But this wasn't what I wanted not anymore at least, 'but there's nothing to do against this kind of force' is all i could think, before being dragged down, and swallowed into a gaping inky hole that had appeared only moments earlier.