Don't Forget Me [KuroKen Fanfic]

CHAPTER FOUR

"I have a problem"

"I see..." Manabu-Sensei muttered, leaning forward on his work desk. "What's the problem then Kenma?" he asked with a gentle voice, giving me a small smile. Manabu-Sensei always managed to make me feel comfortable in his presence, for he emanated a warm and welcoming feeling that was impossible to shake off. I took a deep breath. I could do this, after all, it wasn't such a big deal and he seemed like someone I could trust. I could sense that he felt my discomfort when he said: "Anything that you tell me right here, right now, won't reach anyone else's ears. I promise." His words were reassuring and gave me great confidence for what I had to tell him. I took a deep breath. This was my chance. This was the moment in which I could confide in someone else with the burden I was carrying around.

"I know this is kind of silly Manabu-Sensei, but I think I have a crush on someone and-", I collected my thoughts "...they're a guy."

He took a second to absorb the information, gave me a small nod and reached for his bag. After a fair amount of rustling he took out a picture from his wallet and placed it on the desk. Slightly puzzled, I looked at the picture he had placed before me. It showed a slightly younger version of himself sitting in a grassy field laughing with another guy who was sitting right beside him. They seemed like really great friends, best friends even, yet I failed to understand why he was showing me this. Before I could ask questions he began speaking: "This, Kenma, is my partner and I. We've been together for over four years now and all I can say is that he has made me the happiest person alive."

It took me a second before realisation struck. Manabu-sensei was a lot more like me than I had imagined. "Look, I know your feelings must make you feel like you're going crazy at the moment, especially since you don't see same-sex couples that much in our society," he paused, slipping the photograph back into his wallet. He placed his hand on the centre of the desk and smiled ever so slightly at me "But I'm here to tell you that I understand what you're going through and what you feel is completely valid."

Despite my efforts of trying to control myself, I couldn't help tearing up a little bit, my head heating up by the second. 

"What you feel is completely valid"

That sentence kept swimming in my head, wrapping around me like a warm blanket and providing a safe space. This experience I thought I had to go through all alone, an experience I had imagined to be a long and painful journey... and yet right in front of me sat someone who  had felt the exact same thing. An experienced traveller, holding out his hand to me in support, promising guidance and giving my novel self reassurance. All that I was feeling, the sense of security I hadn't felt in a long time now presented itself as a pillar before me, giving me what I had longed for.

I covered my face in embarrassment, how could I act like this in front of my teacher!? In response he just chuckled slightly. "Do you maybe want to tell me a little more about this, how should I call it, infatuation?" Manabu-sensei asked politely. I nodded. Even though I struggled opening up to most people I desperately wanted to get this off my chest. I cleared my throat: "Eh, the guy I have a crush on is actually my best friend, we've kinda been super close since primary school and we nearly do everything together" I was unsure how to continue the narrative and took a while to think while Manabu-sensei sat patiently in front of me. "I honestly have never had such strong feelings for anyone else and on the one hand I desperately want to tell him how I feel but I am also terrified of rejection. Not only his rejection, but also my parents' rejection. I have absolutely no clue how they'll react to the fact that I'm attracted to guys. Then there also happens to be this annoying girl that he's seeing and..." I shrugged, leaning even further into the seat and confused as ever. Now that I spoke all of my problems out loud they seemed to be even scarier than before and at the same time I couldn't help but feel ridiculous about my situation. Why did I have to make things so complicated for myself?

"That definitely seems like a sticky situation you're in Kenma-kun" the teacher said, folding his hands into his lap. "They only piece of advice I can give you at this point and time is that you take everything slowly and do it step-by-step." I listened eagerly, trying to prepare myself to make mental notes of the next things he'd say. "Your fear of rejection is justified, yet it's something you'll have to get used to. It's going to happen many times in your life whether you like it or not." He shook his head slightly, obviously speaking from experience.

"Make sure that if you come out, you do it in a moment in which you feel comfortable enough to do so. Additionally, I cannot really help you when it comes to what to do about your crush but-" he caught his breath, his eyes piercing into mine "believe me, confessing may result in something completely unexpected."

I closed my eyes for a quick moment. It was a lot to take in and I still had a lot to process, but this talk had made me feel relieved. A feeling I hadn't felt in way too long. I stood up from the seat, lifting my heavy rucksack from the ground and gently bowing my head towards my teacher. "Thank you so much Manabu-sensei, you have no idea-" his eyes flashed me a knowing look, "Of course Kenma, don't worry about it. Let me know if you ever need to speak again."

I gave him a short smile before turning around and walking out the door, taking in the deserted hallway.

I just needed to take it slowly and step-by-step.