BTSxBTS oneshots

S I X

Smh they keep adding red squiggly lines under their names 

genre: angst 

word count:1097

tw: self-harm, anorexia, low self esteem

________________________________________________________________________________

"Taehyung you keep messing up, I want you to dance alone, no music I'll count,

One,"

I'm fat

"Two,"

I need to lose weight

"Three,"

I need to be skinny

"Four,"

I need to look good

"Five,"

I need to be more fit

"Six,"

I need to be pretty

"Seven,"

I can't do this

"Eight,"

I shouldn't be in BTS

"Nine,"

I feel like I'm going to die

"Ten"

I want to die

"That was better Taehyung, but you need more practice. You look really tired so I'll let you leave but I expect you to practice tomorrow." Their dance instructor said before walking out of the practice room.

Namjoon walked up to Taehyung, "He's right Tae," he thinks I suck at dancing too, "you look exhausted. Have you been sleeping right?" what?

Truthfully Taehyung had gotten no sleep the night before, he had stayed behind in the gym till almost 3 in the morning and wasn't able to sleep after that. He also hadn't eaten anything but an apple in the past 2 days, so he was feeling a bit weak. "I'm fine hyung, I think I'll just sleep a bit early today." with that Taehyung pushed past everyone else and walked into their car.

The drive home was quiet, almost everyone was asleep or almost asleep because of the long practice. Taehyung on the other hand was wide awake, he was thinking about all the mistakes he had made during the practice, you're such a fuck up you can't even get through a dance practice without screwing up. Tae whimpered softly at the harsh words, too lost in his own world to see that Namjoon and Hoseok were looking at him in concern.

"Hey Taehyungie, did you have breakfast today?" Tae was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard Hobi call his name.

"Oh hyung," he paused- he came downstairs after everyone so he couldn't get away with saying he had eaten "no I didn't"

"Well make sure to eat some lunch when we go back home, you've lost a lot of weight."

Taehyung didn't hear the rest of what Hoseok said, he thinks I've lost weight, that's good, I'm almost at my goal. Maybe I can be prettier."

Taehyung ran up to his room as soon as they went back to the dorm "I'm showering first!" He cringed when he heard the voice in his head, you cant even let your members shower first, they all worked so much harder than you, they deserve to be first not you.

Cold, taehyung was cold. He didn't bother taking his clothes when he stepped into the shower. You don't deserve to be in bts, you don't deserve to be loved, no one likes you, give up, give up, die, take that razor and cut yourself. Taehyung was sobbing, his thin body collapsing on the shower stall floor. He grabbed the razor and lifted his shorts up higher. No not there you dumbass, cut your wrists. He somehow ignored the voice as he pressed the razor down on his bare thighs. Cut after cut after cut, Taehyung didn't stop, he couldn't. He didn't cut much before today, but his hands felt like they were moving on autopilot. He didn't stop until you could barely see clear skin on his right thigh.

Pain, Taehyung felt pain. His sobs got louder as he saw what he'd done to his legs. He threw the razor down. He didn't hear the bangs on the door asking if he was okay, or the leader saying he was coming in using the spare key. He only looked up when he heard the door open.

"Fuck Taehyung" Namjoon ran over to him with a worried Seokjin trailing behind. No, no they weren't supposed to find out they'll hate you now. "How much did you cut, shit Jin hyung can you get the first aid-kit and warm clothes. What, why is he helping me. Namjoon turned off the shower and helped taehyung into his room. 

Taehyung inspected Namjoons face, why isn't he looking at me, am I that disgusting. He was startled when the leader suddenly broke out in sobs."What's wrong hyung?" Taehyung asked, he saw Jin walk in from the corner of his eye.

"What do you mean what's wrong taehyung-ah, you were in so much pain and none of us even noticed, we didn't do anything to help you" Namjoon said while sniffling, taehyung also saw that Jins eyes were slightly puffy.

You made them cry, you idiot, you can't do anything right, Taehyung could feel more tears forming in his eyes, although he tried not to show them.

He hissed when he felt something cold touch his leg. "Tae tae are you okay with taking your shorts off, it'll be easier for me to clean your cuts." Seokjin said softly into his ear "you should also take off your hoodie or you're going to catch a cold"

"Umm" he looked down, they're going to think you're fat and ugly. "Okay" why did you say that, they'll hate you even more.

Jin helped him slowly take off his shorts, he immediately took a wet cloth and started wiping away the blood. He wrapped his thigh with a bandage and looked at Taehyung softly "please" he looked away for a second "please don't do this again" he said, his voice breaking. "Now here come let me help you change."

Taehyung tried his best to not look at Jin or Namjoon the whole time, they hate you, they think you're fat.

"Tae" Namjoon trailed off "you're so skinny"

The statement made Tae laugh "You're just saying that hyung, I'm fat and ugly. I still need to lose more weight."

There was a moment of silence as the leader and the eldest looked at each other "How much do you weight Tae"

"About 124 lbs last time a checked"

"What, taehyung you're kidding!" see even your Jin- hyung thinks you're fat "That's more than 20 lbs underweight"

What? "B-but"

"Taehyung please, talk to us d-don't cu-cut yourself. Plea-se taehyung I can't lose you." Jin finally broke out into sobs.

Namjoon came up to Tae and grabbed his hands, "Taehyung we're going to help you I promise, I know the other members will as well." He pulled Taehyung into a hug "We love you Tae" Taehyung could feel the tears he was holding back threatening to come back up

"You can cry" He could feel a second pair of arms wrap around him, "You'll be okay, maybe not now, but eventually you'll get better."

________________________________________________________________________________

Bleh I didn't like the ending