xerenity kwon.
Guess him being here at my home at 3 am in the morning is "our" thing now. Nandito naman ang gago. At 3 am in the morning. And like always, may dala siyang pagkain.
"Hindi ka ba nauubusan ng pera kakabili ng pagkain?"
"Basta para sayo, gago. G lang."
"Gago?"
"Ay I meant baby—I este lods. Lods. Ibig kong sabihin lods."
"Your talking too much." I stepped aside and let him walk in like he owns this house. And without even me telling him, dumiretso siya sa cabinet kung saan naka lagay 'yung mga plato at kutsara. Hindi ko na kailangan sabihin kung saan, alam niya na agad.
"Wow. Memorized."
"Syempre," Tiningnan niya ako at ngumiti, "Hindi ko naman first time dito." Yeah. Hindi niya first time, at mukhang hindi niya rin itong huling beses na pupunta dito. No, I don't think there will be a "huling beses".
And like always, sa sahig kami umuupo. Kasi why not. Kahit 'di comfortable. Why not diba. "Hindi ba nakakapagod?" tanong ko sakanya.
"Hindi naman."
"I didn't say anything yet."
"Kahit 'di mo sabihin alam ko na ang ibig mong sabihin. Let me guess, itatanong mo kung nakakapagod ba na puntahan ka almost araw-araw. Hindi ba?"
Natahimik ako.
"So, I'm right."
"No."
"Edi left kung ganon."
"Baliw."
Tumawa na naman siya. Wala namang nakakatawa. He's laughing as if his genuinely amused at what I said.
"What's amuisng?"
"Ha?" Ew. Ang gulo naman neto kumain. I reached out and grab at piece of tissue, bago ko tinapon sa kanya. "Salamat, lods."
"What's amusing ba kasi?" Medyo naiirita kong tanong. Dahil, first of all, I still don't understand these things I'm feeling when am around him. It's still confusing. Annoying. Kaso at the same time hindi rin. This feeling of somewhat being fond.
Which is impossible. 'Di pwede.
"Alam ko, kung mag tanong ka dapat medyo may elaboration. Ang hirap kasi sagutan ang isang tanong kung wala namang context." Tumgil siya sa pagkain and gestured me to ask my question again.
"What I mean is, what's amusing? Like, may nakakatawa ba sa sinasabi ko? I don't think na nakakatawa naman siya. Pero, here you are. Laughing as if I genuinely said something really funny. Kahit wala naman."
"Masama bang tumawa?"
"No."
"Ayun naman pala." And like always, may nakakalokang ngiti naman sa mukha niya.
"Explain naman."
"Gusto mo nalaman kung bakit tawa ako ng tawa kahit wala namang nakakatawa?" Tumango ako at inayos ang pag upo. Kung dati naka harap ako sa TV ngayon naman, sakanya ako naka harap.
He smiled.
Hindi ba masakit sa mukha kung ngiti ng ngiti? This guy never stops smiling.
"Dahil ikaw."
"Ha?"
"Hatdog." I grab the nearest pillow and threw it at him. Hit him right in the face. Tsk. Pilosopo kasi.
"Joke lang naman, lods! Hindi mo muna kasi explanation ko. 'Di pa ako tapos."
I waited. Mga ilang minuto. Hindi siya nag salita. Hindi rin ako nag salita. He looked hesitant. Para may gusto siyang sabihin kaso nag dadalawang isip siya na sasabihin.
"The sky looks pretty."
"Ha?"
I pointed behind him. He glanced back and smiled at me, "Mas maganda ka."
"Nang bobola ka ba?"
"'Di no. Totoo naman na maganda ka ah."
We were know sitting side by side and watched the pretty night sky. Comfortable and warm. No awkwardness. Kahit wala man nag sasalita samin, pakiramdam namin na we don't we to talk. It quiet and nice.
"May tanong ako."
"Shoot?" I said.
He turned around and faced me instead. Sa harap parin ako naka tingin. 'Di ko ata kaya tingin siya sa mukha. Baka kung ano ata ang masabi ko. I raised my brows at him when he continued to stay silent.
"Akala ko ba may tanong ka?"
"Meron. Pero wag na lang pala." Napailing siya. Na curious tuloy ako kung anong gusto niya itanong.
"Nahihiya ka?"
"No."
"Ba't ayaw mo na tanungin?"
"Don't want to destroy anything." He smiled. Kaso para may something sa ngiti niya. He's smiling. Kaso parang pilit niya lang ngumiti.
"Masisira? Bakit is something going to get destroyed?"
"Yes."
"What?"
Isa. Dalawa. Tatlo. Katahimikan ang bumalot sa aming dalawa.
Isa.
"Nothing. Walang masisira. Kaya ask away."
He stayed silent.
Dalawa.
"Donghyuck, it's fine. I swear. Well, depends on the question. But I doubt I'll get mad or something."
Tatlo.
"You okay—"
"This."
"Ha?" Nagtataka ko siyang tinitigan. He slowly moves closer to me. "Ito yung ayaw ko masira." He placed his finger under my chin and made me face him. Shit. Close. Too damn close.
And he still looks good up this close. My heart is beating so damn fast. Nararamdaman kong umiinit ang pisngi ko. We just continued staring at each other. He learned closer. Hindi rin ako gumalaw. Mas lalo niya inilapit ang mukha niya sa mukha ko.
I can feel his hot breath against my lips.
"Do something." He said. I didn't do anything. I just continued staring at him. "Xerenity, itulak mo'ko palayo. Please lang." Pag mamakaawa niya.
Yeah! Push him away! Umiwas ka! Tanga galaw! Sigaw ng utak ko. Kaso hindi parin ang gumalaw.
"Okay." I said.
Our eyes locked again. I know for sure, I wasn't the one who leaned in closer and locked our lips in a kiss.
Oh fuck. Ha.
