I LIVED. [ anderperry ]

i lived.

A/N

I do NOT own any of these characters! I just love DPS and it's characters. Listen to 'I Lived' by OneRepublic while reading on loop! The italics is the letter and Todd reading in his hand. DPS SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED THE MOVIE

Warning: This is going to hurt. A lot.

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Todd's POV

It had been a few days after the tragic death of Neil and Mr. Keating's firing. I was heading back to my dorm, since I didn't want to truly talk to anyone. I opened the door to the small room. I saw the two beds, both neatly made.

As I stepped into the room and lightly slammed the door behind me. When I took one more step forward I heard I small crunch. When I lifted up foot, I saw an envelope. I collected the thin parchment from the floor and flipped it over. I was for me ... from Neil.

I quickly placed it on the Neil's old desk and threw my sling bag onto my bed. I flung the door open again and quietly went to go knock on Knox's dorm.

"What are you doing?" He said as I took his arm and dragged him to my own room. I hushed him and closed to door behind us.

I waddled over to the desk and placed the envelope in my hand once more. "Look." I said, holding it out to the brown-haired boy siting on my bed.

He took it from my reach and read over the handwritten information on it. "Have you read it?" I shook my head and clasped it back. I quickly sat down on to Neil's bed. I slid my finger under the wax seal and carefully opened.

Once I had, my hands became shaky. I didn't know what was even in the damned envelope. I took a deep breath and flipped the flap over. I saw a piece of paper peeking over the edge. I slipped my hand into the envelope. As the parchment slid out with easy, I looked up at Knox. His leg bounced up and down. I could tell that he was also anxious about the, what seemed like, letter.

"My Dearest Friend," I read aloud. "I hope that when you take the jump into any problem, and that when you land you don't fear the fall."

I could already feel my throat start to throb. I could feel the tears begin to clutter my eye sight.

"You don't have to continue reading out loud, Big T." Knox said dearingly.

I hope that when a flood comes, you build a wall to protect yourself and your friends.
I hope that when the crowd screams out, it's screaming your name and not your rivals.
I hope if everyone chooses to run, that you chose to stay.

I hope that you'll move on from me and fall in love with someone else. And that when you do, it hurts. It hurts like a rose petal pricking you finger as you cut it from the bush.
And the only way you'll know that you've fallen is when you give it all you have.
I hope that you won't suffer but you still somehow bear the pain.

I hope that when the moment comes, you'll still keep me in the back of your head.

Tears began to flood down the front of my face. I turned the letter down and placed my hand on over my mouth. I wiped a few tears from my view and began to read once more.

I know that I did it all. I wrote a fake letter to Mr. Nolan from my father.
I owned every second I breathed.

I went so many places, but yet I yearned to see more.
And with every broken bone, I swear I lived.

I hope that you spend all of your days, and the total is the same as mine.

And when the sun goes down, I hope you'll see once more.
I wish I could be there for all of your pain and all of your joy.
But until your moment comes, I hope you'll say:

You did it all. All you could do.

I hope that you'll own every moment that the world could give.
You'll go to so many places, that you'll get amazed every time.
And with every broken bone, you swear you lived.

I'm sorry, Todd.

Goodbye,
       N. Perry

Soon, I couldn't stop the tears. They poured and streamed down my face. Knox stood up from his seated position and sat next to me. He took the letter and read it himself.

"Y'know," he said sniffing, "you'd think he would've written a poem." He placed a hand on my back and started to rub in circles. I let out a light laugh. Knox placed the letter back in the envelope and sat it next to him.

The taller boy stayed for a bit longer, but he did end up having to leave. I sat in the same spot almost all night. I looked over at the old desk that looked like it had sat there for centuries. 

I remembered the night that Neil walked into the dorm halls yelling that he had gotten the part in the play. I thought about the huge smirk that he wore while typing the letter to Mr. Nolan. I remembered the night that we started up the Dead Poets Society again.

But now. Now he was gone. We'd never have him again.

I thought about the letter. "I swear I lived." I repeated.

I'd learned two of the best phrases in the world that school year at Hell-ton. "Carpe Diem" and "I swear I lived". I never forgot about Neil, or Cherry, or Cameron, even if he was an ass, or anyone from the Dead Poets Society. Anything I did, I always thought of Neil Perry. The son of the biggest asshole in the world.

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Word count: 960