Seasalt (AkuSai)

Nightmares

Isa, recently, had almost too many thoughts running through his head.

He wasn't sure what he expected, if he was being honest with himself. But whatever it was, it wasn't this. He had forgotten what it was like to have something as fragile as a heart, and his was unbearably new. Each and every experience was oh so fresh to him for the past month or so of living in this apartment with Lea and the kids. He had truly forgotten how blissful happiness was. How painful stress was. Back in his days as a nobody, and they weren't exactly that far behind him, everything was just plain dull. Everything was felt grey and unnecessary. The only thing he lived for, starting out, was Axel and their plans. And then it became Xemnas and his plans, but only as a means to an end. He and Axel wanted to find the girl they had seen all of those years ago. They wanted to find out who she was, and hopefully, where she was. And, how to help her, because god knows she probably needed it. But Saix was never able to get on her trail. And apparently, neither was Axel.

He found that everything had devolved as time went on.

He suddenly sound himself in charge of making the schedules for the daily missions, and he took his job seriously. After all, Xemnas had made him his second in command. Why, though? He was never too sure. All he knew was that the man had hand picked him out from the bunch, and he knew that going against his wishes would definitely be some sort of death sentence. Besides, he had thought back then, maybe being so close to the boss would allow him some more information than the others.

And it did. Unfortunately.

None of the information that he was given access to was related to the girl he and Axel were searching for. Instead, he was met with something much worse: The Replica Program.

He supposed that now, after everything was said and done, the program was a good thing. Roxas, Xion, and Namine were all saved by the replica vessels that Vexen was able to put together for him. And he was grateful that the technology was something that could be utilized then. But back when he was still shuffling mission reports for Xemnas? The program was nothing more than a curse. It caused far too many fights with Axel and far too many headaches. Especially when the man heading it all got brutally murdered. But there wasn't anything he could do about that. Xemnas said he wanted everyone at Castle Oblivion gone, and he had meant it. He had passed the orders to Axel, and he carried it through.

The Replica Program also created Xion, a cause of many contentions between himself and Axel. As Saix, he resented the girl, somehow even more than Roxas. He was unfair to her, unkind. He would berate her when she fell ill, and he fully regretted that now. Back then, the jealousy that clouded his vision was so strong that it broke through the film of grey that filtered his fledgling emotions. It wrapped him in a cold kind of anger, one that he took out on the kids and Axel whenever he saw fit. Looking back on his cruelty now made his chest ache in the worst possible way. He had always easily felt anger, even as a somebody before his heart was taken from him. And his nobody state seemed to reflect that- his Berserk mode being ever prevalent in combat.

And even despite that, despite everything, Lea held him as he faded away. In that moment, his eyes were kinder than he had seen them in years. So, so much less empty.

He was lost in memories when he stepped out of the bathroom connected to their bedroom, hair only slightly damp. It hung behind him with a little bit of weight that he didn't mind the feeling of. And the feeling of cool, clean pajamas was certainly nothing to scoff at. He was still getting used to feeling this comfortable, this relaxed. The soft glow of the lamp at the bedside table only served to further how he felt.

"Welcome back, princess. You definitely took your time."

His eyes landed on Lea, who was sitting on the left edge of the bed with his keyblade sitting on top of his thighs. He had dressed himself in a ratty looking t-shirt and pajama pants, and he noted that he certainly pulled the look off well, with his towel dried red hair pulled back into a ponytail. Lea had taken his own shower just before Isa had, and he, Isa decided with a huff, was certainly one to talk. Glancing at the clock on the wall told him that Lea had taken longer than him by about five minutes, which he found ridiculous when coupled with the redhead's accusation.