He always takes time to pray before he gets deep into the woods. He'll stop when the trees hide his small body and he'll kneel and pray.
He's had to do that now because if he goes into the woods - no matter the direction - he ends up with Saint. He just packs new clothes for him everyday and they sit and talk about the weather and then 20 minutes later Perth leaves for work.
He strolls into the forest today and admires the trees. He wishes he could be a tree. They just grow and become beautiful and have no troubles. Perth thinks he's be a great tree. He just looks up at the sky hidden behind leaves and isn't startled when everything clears and he's standing in a clearing. He looks over and he sees Saint's dome and he waits patiently for the boy to come out.
"Did you bring me new clothes?" Saint murmurs as he walks out. The sweater he's wearing hangs over his hands and he adorably rubs his eyes. Perth looks away from the sight because he can't think about a boy being cute. It's not okay.
"Yeah. I also brought you some more cereal because you said you liked it" Perth tells him. He looks up briefly to pass Saint his bag and Saint smiles at him and goes back inside his dome. Perth tries to calm his breathing, but he can't. Thoughts and dreams have been coming to him that shouldn't be.
"Thank you," Saint's voice snaps him back and Perth looks up to see what the boy looks like in clothes he bought him. His clothes are all too small so Perth went out and bought him two outfits. He wears black jeans that cling to his legs and just a plain white shirt, but his nipples show. Perth swallows hard and looks down at the river to distract himself.
"How was your sleep last night?" Perth asks. He moves to sit on the rivers edge and he takes off his shoes and slips his bare feet into the rushing water. He no longer jumps when Saint practically teleports over to him and he lets himself touch the boy slightly with his side.
"It was okay. I watched the stars" Saint tells him. Perth smiles at the statement and he nods his head. The two fall into a nice silence and then Saint clears his throat. "Can you tell me about your fiancée? Why you love her?"
Perth is taken aback by the question, but he nods his head and takes a moment to gather his thoughts. Talk about... How does he start? He pulls out his phone and Saint just looks at him in confusion, but Perth continues and he pulls a picture of her up.
"This is her. She's been with me for years now. She's very sweet and smart. She's my best friend and I love her because she understands me. She knows me" Perth tells him. Saint just tilts his head.
"Because you have to know someone to love them?" He throws back and Perth rolls his eyes.
"Yes."
"But you say you love God, but I don't think you've ever met him" Saint points out and Perth can feel his face pale.
"That's different. I talk to God everyday" Perth tells him and Saint just nods and rolls his eyes.
"Right. Sorry. That definitely counts as knowing him."
"It does. He looks after me," Perth argues.
"You look after me. Are you my God? Should I love you?" He asks back and Perth is completely frazzled. How does this boy not believe in anything?
"Thought you already stated you did love me" Perth tells him blandly and Saint snorted and looks up at the sky.
"I changed my mind. You can't be soulmate so therefore I don't love you. My soulmate will storm into these woods and kiss me so passionately I'll see stars" Saint tells him dreamily. Perth snorts at that and Saint turns to look at him sharply.
"That never happens. You kiss people and it's just that. There's nothing special about kissing, Saint. We're not in a movie" Perth tells him. Saint huffs as he crosses his arms and looks away.
"If you don't feel anything then you're kissing the wrong person" Saint explains and Perth just laughs.
"Or maybe you're ridiculous and living in a fantasy world" Perth throws out. Saint just keeps looking away from him.
"Do you get pleasure from crushing my dreams? Let me imagine that someone will make me feel something when they kiss me. Let me pretend that the day I am free I will feel magic" Saint whispers. Perth feels bad when those words are said and he sits quietly and picks at the dirt by the water.
"I'm sorry. I'm sure when you meet the person you're meant to be with it'll feel like magic. It'll feel like your only purpose in life is to make them happy and you're only meant to exist with them. Only them," Perth mumbles as he thinks back on someone he shouldn't. Saint is back to watching him and his brow furrows.
"You love someone" Saint states and Perth looks up at him and shakes his head.
"You know this."
"Someone else. You really love someone else" Saint argues and Perth shakes his head. He picks up a small pebble and tosses it into the water.
"Not anymore. It was a weird time for me. I only love her and God now."
Saint just keeps looking at Perth, waiting for the boy to say something else. Perth just keeps his mouth shut and tries not to let any more words slip past his mouth.
"You loved a boy didn't you?" Saint whispers and Perth tenses and he swallows thickly. He chuckles, but it sounds sad and forced.
"Not just a boy. A black boy" Perth admits. Saint just waits for him to say something else and Perth can feel tears springing to his eyes.
"He died. Got jumped and died in hospital. I sat around and pretended I didn't care, but it killed me. It was God punishment to me for sinning. My mother hates gays and blacks and she told me to stay away, but I loved him" Perth cries. Saint watches in silence as Perth breaks down and then he gently hugs the small boy. Perth doesn't pull away from Saint's embrace, but he doesn't move to hold him back.
"God wouldn't punish you for loving someone. All he wants is for everyone to be loved and treated equally" Saint murmurs. Perth shakes his head firmly.
"Well that doesn't happen," Perth tells him firmly. "If I marry a girl, I won't be punished again" he explains and Saint is quiet for a long times and Perth thinks maybe he has nothing to say.
"You're punishing yourself though" he finally speaks and Perth doesn't even try to argue that.
