hardest to love: bucky barnes

four.

I woke up to the sun beaming in between my curtains then headed to my bathroom to brush my teeth and change for training today. I was supposed to box with Nat today. I went down for breakfast and spotted Wanda and Vision talking at the table.

"Hey guys." I said grabbing a bowl and spoon.

"Hey,Val." Wanda chirped as I heard others come down as well but I was too busy reaching for the cereal from the top cabinet then I felt someone behind me.

James.

"I got it." I said but he already grabbed it and sat it on the counter.

"Clearly you didn't." He said. He wore black sweatpants and a red t-shirt. I poured my cereal and milk then sat at the table.

"Val, could you help me with my makeup for tonight?" Wanda asked as she starts to bite into her toast.

"Of course!" I said with a smile. I loved talking with Wanda. She was the first real friend I made here. I guess you could say it was the fact that we both lost our families but I was the first person Wanda opened up to besides Vision. Some nights we would just sit outside and talk about our families and how she got her powers.

I finished eating while watching Wanda use her powers to levitate the utensils out of the drawers, at Sam's request then quickly dropping them when Steve walked in.

"I'm not picking those up." I laughed then placed my bowl in the sink and headed to the training room to meet Natasha.

"Hey Nat." I said causing her too look up at me with a smile.

"Hey, Are you ready to start?" She asked before walking on the mat.

"Yeah."

At the the count of three I dodged her swing and managed to grab her right arm and twist it around her back, kick her knees in and hold her left arm as well making her fall on her chest. Pinning her down in a little under a minute. She knew what moves I would use and she pinned me down quicker than expected. We didn't train as often as we usually do because of Tony's event tonight.

"So, Are you helping me bartend tonight?" Natasha asked as I get up to grab my water bottle.

"Yeah, got no other reason to be there." I said with a small laugh.

"Val, you're twenty six. You should be out making new friends and experiencing life. You can't stay locked in the tower." She said with a serious tone while I chose to stay quiet.

She wasn't wrong. Besides the other team members, I didn't have any friends. I've lived in New York for three years and I haven't bothered to befriend anyone outside of here. Even back in Russia, I didn't have many friends. With the Academy taking a likeness to me, it caused the other widows to avoid and dislike me. Some girls would talk about me and other would hurt me more than intended during training. Ms. Ivanov would often lock me in the ballet studio for so long after missions that I started to hate the reflection in front of me. Killing people was almost as painful as facing the person in the mirror.

When Natalia and I escaped the Red Room before I left, I killed Ms. Ivanov. I've never spoken to anyone other than Natalia about it. I was in her room when Natalia broke in and yelled at her, things went down hill from there. Ms. Ivanov threw me into the mirror wall causing the glass to shatter into my side as I eventually collided with the floor beneath me. Natalia fought Ms. Ivanov with just her hands because truthfully, she didn't plan to escape the Academy with me.

Until I took the larger broken pieces of glass and stabbed Ms. Ivanov. I don't remember much after except for Natalia pulling me off of her body and tell me we need to run. She gave me her jacket when we left and took the gun in Ms. Ivanov's desk then we left. She shot a guard in the garage of the building who wouldn't let her down there then we took a train to Natalia's house at the time. A day later they killed my parents and brother. We had been on the run ever since. S.H.E.I.L.D eventually helped us put an end to the Red Room.

"You're parents wouldn't have wanted you wasting you're twenties in a tower." She said breaking me out of my thoughts.

"I need to help Wanda get ready for tonight. I'll see you later." I said grabbing my bag and leaving.

I went to my room and showered still thinking about what Natasha said. Sometimes I feel like my life hasn't changed since I was a nineteen year old girl crying on the floor of the ballet studio with bloody toes. There's a half of my life that I still didn't know about, when they would wipe my memories clean after performing. Sometimes I wonder if Natasha knew since they had a file on me but I don't plan to ask her because I don't think I could handle it.

After my shower I applied my makeup and blow dryer my hair before heading to Wanda's room to do her makeup. I knocked on her door before hearing a "The door is open." and entering.

"Are you excited for tonight?" Wanda asked as I applied a light shade of pink to her cheeks.

"I guess so." I said with a small laugh.

"Please tell me you plan on staying longer than an hour before disappearing off to your room." Wanda begged.

"No promises." I said reaching for mascara.

"Well I expect a dance with you tonight." She said smiling up at me.

"Sure." I said trying to change the subject. It didn't take too long to do Wanda's makeup before I headed to go change out of my pajama shorts and tank top into my dress.

It was around 7:55 when I slipped on my white heels and headed to the elevator. There was no way I was gonna walk down all those stairs in these heels. I stepped into the elevator and pressed the floor to the living room, until a metal arm stopped the door from shutting.

James.

"I hope you don't mind that I'm joining you, doll." He said as I turned to face him.

Doll. That's new.

I thought to myself before noticing his outfit, an all black suit. He looked good, I'll give him that. I pressed the button allowing us to go down.

"What's up with the nickname, James?" I questioned staring straight ahead.

"Well, after seeing you dancing last night I figured the name fit." He said staring ahead as well but with a small smile on his face.

"Oh." I said surprised by the kind response from the usually mean man next to me.

I looked up into his blue eyes for just a moment and saw warmth in them. For once he didn't look like the Winter Soldier, just James Barnes. I was pulled from my thoughts when the elevator doors opened revealing the party in front of us.

"I'll see you in there, doll."