My Summer of Firsts

Chapter 9 - A Teaching Moment

After watching TV for a bit, Elian turned his body to face me. He brought his knee up to his chest to hug his arms around his leg. "Can I ask you something?"

I also turned toward him. My rigidity problem faded with my mind occupied by the movie. "Sure."

"Were you telling the truth when you told me you're out?"

That was not where I thought this was going. I nodded vigorously. "Yes. Why would you ask that? Why would you even think that?"

He tapped his hand against his leg. "I knew someone once that wasn't out. We were kind of at the start of trying to explore our feelings for each other. But he wouldn't ever let me come to his house. Because his family didn't know. I kinda got the same feeling I used to get with him when you got weird about me picking you up tonight."

"Ah." I blew out a breath, slowly shaking my head. "That's not why I didn't want you to pick me up. My mom knows I'm gay. She was the first person I told."

The tension in his shoulders relaxed, but there was still something in his eyes. Something he was holding back. "Then, it really was just potholes?" He wrinkled his forehead, giving me a skeptical look.

I could tell he didn't believe that, so I said, "Not exactly."

"I know dating is new for you, so are you like embarrassed?"

"No!" I said forcefully. I didn't want him to think that. But that wasn't entirely true. "Well, yes. I was embarrassed. But not of you... us."

Realizing how that might sound, I quickly amended my statement: "This." I motioned between us.

"What are you embarrassed about?" he asked. "Is your mom some homophobic monster? Does she hate Mexicans?"

"No, no. Nothing like that. My mom is amazing. She actually tried to organize a road trip to Los Angeles for Pride once, but I had to squash her dreams because we didn't have the money."

I wiped a hand over my mouth and sighed. I just had to say it. "That's the thing. We don't have money. We live in a trailer. In a trailer park. One of our neighbors actually burned his trailer down because he was cooking meth in his kitchen. That's kind of the epitome of white trash."

"Do you think I'm so shallow that I'd care about something like that?"

I shrugged, moving my head from side-to-side absentmindedly. "It's not about you. I know you think I'm stupid, but it's how I feel."

"I don't think you're stupid, Steven." Elian inched closer to me, which I didn't think was possible, and reached out to hold my face in his hand. "I actually think you're amazing."

"Why?" I asked. If he wanted to get personal, I could too. "Why do you like me?"

"I told you, I think you're cute." He flashed that charming grin.

"Is that all?"

As much as I enjoyed hearing that from him, it wasn't like I'd never heard that before. Before I came out, girls used to flirt with me. One of them tried to get Derek to set me up with her. Also, my female friends throughout school said it enough times for me to believe it. Although, mostly in the context of reassuring me I would not die alone, if I could only make it to twenty—one-or procure a fake ID that claimed I was—and get myself to that gay bar twenty miles down the highway.

Elian licked his lips. "I was here for two weeks before I met you, and I don't think I laughed or smiled once. Ever since that first day in the pharmacy, I can't seem to stop." As if to prove it, his lips stretched into a wide grin. "You have this aura about you; you make me feel happy whenever I'm around you."