My Summer of Firsts

Chapter 16 - Breakdown

By the time we returned to the trailer so Elian could get his car, I could barely keep my eyes open. I knew if I went with him, I would pass out before we got to his house. So I kissed him goodnight and headed inside to crash in my own bed.

When I awoke, the heavenly nutty aroma of coffee brewing perked up my nose. I wasn't sure how long I'd been asleep. Judging by the light behind the curtain, it must've been a few hours at least. I threw off my covers and got up. Opening the door, I heard the coffee maker percolating. Such a lovely sound.

By the time I got a shower, the coffee was ready. Mom sat at the dining table, both hands wrapped around her rainbow "Proud Pride Mom" mug, staring off into the middle distance with a blank expression on her face.

"Good morning," I said.

She blinked and shook her head. "Morning, honey."

I grabbed a mug from the cabinet and poured myself a cup of coffee, adding in milk and sugar and a bit of the caramel flavoring my mother left sitting out. I normally wouldn't, but I could use the sugar rush to help wake me up.

"I thought you were staying with Elian last night."

"I got tired. I just wanted to go to sleep." I sat down at the table and told her where we went after I left last night.

"Your dad used to take me out there to stargaze." She sounded far away, lost to her memory. She let out a small, breathy laugh. "That's probably where you were conceived. In the back of his red Chevy pickup."

"Ugh!" I scrunched my face in horror. "TMI, Mom."

In addition to my discomfort, I was also kind of shocked. She never talked about Dad. He played football; she was a cheerleader. It was a natural conclusion that they should date.

But Dad was a kid from the hills with a mansion, and Mom was a girl from the trailer park. According to Cathy, who was Mom's best friend, even way back then, his parents didn't approve of the pair. When his parents found out Mom was pregnant, they sent him to boarding school. Once he went to college, they moved away. I'd never heard a word from any of them.

When I was a kid, Mom used to give me birthday cards and Christmas gifts signed "Love Dad," but I caught her filling out a card when I turned ten. Caught in the lie, she confessed, so much pain in her eyes. I ran to my bedroom, got out the shoebox from beneath my bed where I kept all his cards, and stuffed them all down the garbage disposal. It got clogged. Mom had to call a plumber. She was angry, but she didn't yell at me or ground me. She just hugged me and cried. I never got another thing from my dad after that day.

I didn't like the thought that I was anything like him. I knew I got my broad build and my jawline from him, but that was where I hoped the resemblance stopped. Occasionally, I would have someone he knew mention the likeness. I just smiled and continued on my way. Or changed the subject if leaving wasn't an option.

I understood that he was a kid, younger than me, when I was born. That probably freaked him out. But I couldn't believe that he didn't want to be there for his own son at all. Even just a drop-by on my birthday, or a card that was actually from him, would have sufficed. Hell, I would've taken a lousy phone call.

"I'm sorry I was a jerk." I reached my hand out with my palm showing.

Mom smiled and took my hand. "I'm sorry, too."

"Why didn't you just tell me about Ray? I would've gladly met him."

"Really?" She gave me an incredulous stare.

"Okay," I conceded. "Maybe 'gladly' is a bit strong, but begrudgingly, at least."

She laughed and gripped my hand tighter. "I should have told you. I shouldn't have sprung it on you the way I did, either. I guess I thought if you met him, you'd see how sweet and funny he is, and you'd understand."

"Is that why you invited Elian? To be a buffer to make sure I behaved?"

"Steven James Nash, I know you much too well to think a buffer would keep you from speaking your mind. You're too much like your mother."

"My mother's pretty great."

The corner of her mouth turned up at the compliment. She just rolled her eyes and took a sip of coffee.

"I thought about what happened a lot last night after I got home, and I think that's what upset me the most."

She looked at me, confused. "What? That I invited Elian? I thought you liked him."

"I do. And that's why it upset me."

"Sweetheart." Mom set her mug down and leaned forward, wiping her thumb across my cheek to remove the tear I didn't even realize had fallen. "I don't understand."

"I really like him. And I thought last night was about him. And about me." I took a shuddering breath and shook my head. "It's stupid. Forget I said anything."

"Baby." Mom released my hand and stood up to wrap her arms around me in a tight embrace. Even with me sitting down, I was almost as tall as her. "I'm so sorry. I didn't even think about it like that."

The tears wouldn't stop coming. "It's just he's the first boy I've ever brought home. I thought you were really excited to get to know him."

"I was." She stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head. She laid her cheek on the spot. "I am."

I sniffled when liquid started pouring from my nose, too. I was a mess.

We stayed like that for a few minutes, with her holding me, and me trying to hold back tears.

Once I'd calmed down, Mom sat in her chair and took my hand. "Do you have any plans today?"

"No."

"How about we do something fun? Just you and me."

"Like what?"

She lifted my hand and puckered her lips. "Your nails are chipped. What about a professional manicure?"

"I don't know. That's kinda expensive. I can just touch them up at work. I'll probably change the color, anyway."

"Come on." She shook my arm, grinning. "I'll even let you pick out my color so you can be sure we don't match."

I smiled. "Fine."

She squealed with excitement and tapped my cheek. "Give me ten minutes to get dressed."

"Ten actual minutes, or ten Brie Nash minutes?"

She clicked her tongue. "You know me too well, kid."